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Sunday 22 July 2012

An argument against an exclusively functional relationship.

Note before I start: I'm not arguing that a functional relationship is bad. I'm arguing that if that's all it is, it might be missing something. Just to clarify.

There's a bit of an idea in some circles of the 'functional' type of marriage. Think arranged marriage, but in a good way. There are statistics and such that suggest that arranged marriages, and this sort of 'functional' marriage (which I'll expand on momentarily) often results in lower divorce rates and the like. Which is fantastic, of course, not arguing one bit against that.

Now, to those who aren't really savvy to the idea of a functional relationship, it's basically the more old-fashioned style of things. The relationship didn't start off with romance. It started off with, they were a nice person, honest, tidy, etc. Romance barely even came into it. That's what the functional relationship is. And there are certainly advantages - as the low divorce rate testifies.

In some cases, this can also extend to the attitude on sex - that is, that it is purely for the purpose of procreation. That's all it was meant for, and that's all it's supposed to be. Maybe enjoy it a bit while you're doing it, but the point is the procreation.
I would myself argue that sex can have either purpose - either of procreation or of enjoyment, and not necessarily exclusively one or the other. To exclude the idea of enjoying sex is ignoring the nature of what it is; to exclude procreation - well, there can be specific reasons for this, but to have children is an amazing blessing, and not one to be pushed aside.

However, I would also ponder that it could use a little of the romance sort of thing. Especially in the world of today, a purely functional relationship is going to come under fire; if you don't have those sort of feelings for the other person, then you're going to start having feelings for other people, and start getting a bit torn. It might not happen, but the world of today certainly provides a very fertile soil for it.

As well as this, I would speculate that the best of love is that which loves someone despite their weaknesses, bringing in that agape love that God is so well known for. If it's purely functional love, that might not be there. Admittedly, if it's purely romantic, it may not be either. You need a combination of the philia, agape and eros loves that are described to have a full, deep and rich relationship. It's not just about the romance; it's not just about serving a purpose; it's about putting each other above themselves, loving unconditionally, with a mind of sacrificial service.

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