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Tuesday 21 May 2013

Silently screaming.

I got the name for this from a song that a friend recently wrote and put up on the YouTubes. Link here (when I'm not just on mobile :P ) And from what I'm feeling.

Lately, things feel like they've all been happening at once. And not in the good way. A few days ago, I figured out how to actually somewhat express what I felt. Because I'm not good at expressing the negative feelings; maybe because I don't understand them properly, maybe because I don't have the experience enough.
Anyway, this is what I came up with.
My soul is screaming.
Why? Because it's being tortured. It's been hurt before. It's cried before; been doing that for a while. But now, it's screaming. It's too much, all at the same time.

There isn't really an aspect of my life that isn't being somehow affected adversely right now. Family. Church. Youth group. Work. Music. Love. The little things. Each of them is broken, or degrading, or has had chunks torn out, just isn't there, or is sapping everything else. I'm not going to go into them individually. Partly because then I'd definitely never post this up. Partly because some of them aren't my stories to tell.

But right now, I'm struggling. I'm struggling to get through each day. That's my main prayer to God in the morning :P
I might look like I'm doing OK. But trust me, I'm good at acting. I don't even know when I am sometimes anymore. And I can actually read body language a bit now, so I act with that as well :P

Yeah. I need help. I don't know what's going to happen. I don't see any way out. Not of all of it. I just keep praying. If you could send the odd word up for me as well, I'd really appreciate it.

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