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Wednesday, 21 September 2016

Scraping By.

I currently have $20 to my name. Check that, $15, because I decided to spoil myself with a hot chocolate. Or at least, when rent goes through at some point today. Thankfully, I'm getting paid tomorrow. Unfortunately, most of that money is already going to vanish to pay for something else I'm working on.

For the last few weeks, I've been living pretty close to being bankrupt a number of times. If you've been keeping up to date on Facebook, you'll be aware that I currently have no car. As much as I enjoy not having to deal with having a car any more (I seriously hate cars), it makes it rather difficult to get work - and I have enough difficulty normally. Not being strong, not being fast, and not being able to sell stuff takes out trades, hospitality, and retail straight away. That's probably 80% of casual jobs or something. Yeah. But I've probably ranted about that before at some point. 

Regardless, money isn't being fun for me right now. Thankfully, I don't tend to spend that much, so I can get by okay. I don't really go out much, I don't drink, and since I moved out I've gone vegetarian. So that all helps. 

There's been a lot that God's been doing this year. He's given me lots of challenges, but lots of opportunities as well. I had the album launch recently; I've gotten bits of work here and there that I've been enjoying; the internship has given me lots of space to help my church do what it does even better. And I've got no clue what he's got planned for next year, but I think it's going to be big.

But right now, I'm not seeing how I'm going to even get there. Financially, short of something big coming through, I'm going to be in debt before long. Emotionally, I'm swinging between being relaxed and being a wreck. Spiritually - I'm having major difficulties in trusting that God is going to get me through this. I believe that he will, somehow. But I don't know what state I'll be in when he does.

I've shared a couple of videos recently, talking about how the opposite of addiction is connection. Well right now, there's a lot of times I'm struggling to find or see that connection. All too often, it seems to exist more in theory than in practice. And that's hard. 

I don't really have a nice one-liner to end this on, folks. I guess we'll see what happens. 


  1. I have faith in your dogged determination Brendan. Half the battle is to keep the momentum and keep moving forward. Keep opening yourself up. You're doing great. Money is nothing if you're happy.

    1. Haha. It's true that I can always count on my stubbornness! (Read: determination/perseverance) I certainly agree with you. It reminds me of that time in The Hobbit when the Company is going through Mirkwood, and they're getting pretty down - so they send Bilbo up to have a look. He does, and it looks like the forest keeps going on forever; but it was actually an optical illusion, and they were really doing fairly well. I think in a lot of cases like this, it always looks the worst when you're right in the middle of it. It helps to keep a little perspective. And no, money certainly isn't everything. I think it's the emotional side of things that's more taxing - the lack of money just causes me to worry, which multiplies it out. But yeah. Thanks for the encouragement, I really appreciate it :)


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