|Looks rather pretty, though.|
I didn't just put it on a pedestal. I fantasised about what being in a relationship might be like, thought about all the different things I might do or see with someone I was in a relationship with, what I might say to them. And the mountain just got bigger. But it was always on the other side of the world, well out of reach, and out of sight. I knew it was there, and I'd get there "one day". But not any time soon.
Recently, I had an experience where Everest suddenly became an awful lot closer. And it scared me. It scared me. And I ran. Nothing quite as dramatic as it sounds - but that's basically what it was.
The idea that this massive mountain that I had built, that I thought was somewhere far away, that I might never even reach for all I know, was suddenly right in front of me - was rather a lot to take in. Everest will do that to you, I guess.
You'd think that making a relationship work would be hard enough for me. But, of course, I have to go and make it harder....
I mentioned in a recent post that I struggle with the lie that I will never be in a romantic relationship. There is part of me that still believes that, at some level, and that's certainly part of the issue.
But I also think I need to start tearing down Everest.
Not because a relationship isn't great. And not because God doesn't want that experience to be amazing, and awesome. He does. But because, if I keep standing in the shadow of Everest, I'm not going to get anywhere. It's no wonder that I find it impossible. But if it's just one person - well, it's still hard, don't get me wrong. But I can work with that.
And when I find the right person, then we can start building together. Rather than me dropping Everest on them. I feel like that wouldn't be ideal. Yeah, let's not do that.