I’m grateful that this year has both started, and ended, with friends. (And some of the same ones, to boot!) But there’s been a lot of different things happening in between the two of those. So let’s take a moment to look at that.
Much of the year, unfortunately, was characterised by burnout, and depression. I feel like I’ve talked about that before in a few different posts this year, so I’ll just brush over it here. In short, though - there were moments this year, where in some ways I was at the worst I’ve been, in terms of emotional health. I’m glad that the worst of it was only brief moments; but there were some decently long seasons where things were quite low, and quite bad. Where it took most of my energy to just get through the day, and get to tomorrow, and I didn’t really have a lot to look forward to in life, or that I felt like I was living for. I’m certainly hoping 2023 doesn’t get a repeat of that. But there’s only so much you can do.
It certainly wasn’t all bad, though. And there were a lot of really incredible things that happened this year. Some I’m not really comfortable talking about in a public space like this - but I’ll go over the ones I can.
Probably the biggest one was Sydney Fringe. Early in the year, it was just a vague idea; like, oh, let’s put this thing in and see where it goes and if it works. And then it was happening. And I was getting photos for it, putting the songs together, organising a venue, getting offered a place in the Limitless disability hub (which was amazing!), and doing it. And getting so many people loving it, and wanting to hear more, and it really resonating with people. I’m still hoping to do it again in more places (if you know somewhere that might have me, let me know!), but organising shit is hard with ADHD 😅
Another big thing was The Boy From Oz, a musical I did with my old local theatre group in Campbelltown. I hadn’t done a musical for a few years, and I had a bunch of fun. I was just part of the chorus, but we were still on stage quite a bit (so many quick changes!), and had a lot of fun songs. It was such a great team to work with, both on stage and off, and I had a great time. I hope I get the chance to do some more theatre work this year - perhaps closer to home, this time?
The cast and crew there were also great with the other big thing that happened this year - my name change. I’d been using a shortened version of my old name for a while as an interim (it had also been an old nickname with both family and friends, so it was an easier transition), but I knew that I did want to change my name. And eventually, I figured it out. So I changed it - first with some close friends; then with some wider groups of friends; then publicly, and finally legally as well. It did take a bit of getting used to, and I still run into some issues with it (the most amusing being that over the phone, people can mishear Raven as my old last name), but it’s been mostly really good 😊 and just in time for both shows!
More broadly - I’ve had a lot of good time with a lot of good people. Part of that has been communities I’ve been in, like my queer church, or other (online and offline) queer groups; part of that is also just friends. Particularly more recently, I’ve been having a lot of good time one-on-one with people, and I’ve really noticed the positive affect that it’s had on me. Especially as I’m struggling with burnout (which drains me, or leaves me with less energy), having intentional time with individual people (which gives me energy) has been really important.
Moving in to next year (or, as I’m writing, this year), 2023 - I don’t know what to expect. I don’t really plan that far ahead. I’ve got a couple of fun things happening over the next couple of months, like a trip down to Melbourne; but after that, I’m not really sure. But here are a couple of ideas that I would like to happen.
I’d like to do another theatre project. Whether that’s a musical, or a play - I just really enjoy them. They’re a lot of fun, and it would be good to do that again. Hopefully, something where I can play a character that’s queer 👀
I’d like to take Rainbow Religion to more venues. Probably starting off with some other affirming churches, but I’d like it to be broader than that as well. Money is a bit of a limitation with moving broader, though. But I would really like to do that. 🌈
I’d also just like to do more with my music. Ideally offline, and doing in-person performances; but that would probably mean buying a keyboard first. (A bit pricey, but doable.) Even just posting more regularly online would be good, though. And writing more. Maybe something for Fringe? Who knows! 🎹
Though speaking of, I do want to do Fringe again this year. But right now, I don’t know what I’m going to do for it. This time last year, I basically had all of the songs already. I’d written them over the last year and a bit, and just collated them for Fringe. But right now, I don’t really have anything like that. I have a random stand-up show I started writing? So who knows, I could end up doing that randomly 😂 Or maybe I show off bits from the musical I’m writing about queer faith.
I’d also like to travel. It’s not really something I’ve done much for myself - most of what I’ve done has been for other things I’ve been involved with, or because of stuff that’s happened. But it is something I’d really love to do. I think Uluru or New Zealand are the two that feel most doable to me, in terms of time and money. But we’ll see! ✈️
I also just want to continue spending time with people, and being more intentional about that. Building relationships, deepening and strengthening them, trying not to leave people behind. Something I really struggle with is that I connect with so many people well, and want to give time and energy to so many people, but I don’t have infinite time or energy or attention! So I can forget about people, or need to focus elsewhere, and that can feel shitty on both ends. 🫂
I also just want to do more gaming! ♟️ But that’s also one of the ways I enjoy spending time with people, so it links in to the previous one.
That is a lot of things 😅 but hopefully, at least some of that can happen this year. While also being healthy, and taking care of myself (emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually), because that’s really important too. But yeah 🙂 that’s my look back at last year, and some thoughts and hopes moving into this new year. I hope it’s a good one for you, and I hope it’s a good one for me as well!
