It's been a while, folks. Apologies. I haven't done much of an update in a while.
That's for a few reasons, but mostly - I haven't been doing well. Not well at all, on a number of levels, but particularly emotionally and mentally.
It's recently come up that I may have depression. I haven't received an official diagnosis or anything, but each day that goes by seems to reinforce that possibility. The doctor has me on medication for it. Hopefully I'll see some positive results from that soon.
But it's been meaning that, even though I have some awesome things happening - engagement and directing The Crucible bring chief among them - I'm feeling quite detached and uncaring much of the time, and struggling to motivate myself to do anything much. It's not great. I'd say I'm probably at the lowest I've been - or at least, for the longest. Thankfully, I have some good to counterbalance it, and awesome people around to lean on.
At the same time, God has been repeatedly challenging me and pushing me. Constantly, he is asking me to take a step out in faith and trust him, to actually use some of these creative talents that I've been given. To come back to some of these projects and ideas that he's entrusted me with. To be doing work for him, and his people.
And that's challenging, particularly from a financial perspective. We're planning to get married in January. That's not exactly cheap. On that note, neither is rent. Or life. I don't earn much as it is. It's going to be a lot less if I'm focusing on things like music, writing, speaking, etc. It's very difficult to earn much doing those. You can, but it usually takes a long time to get there. I don't really have that time or luxury.
But it's what I'll be doing anyway. For both of the reasons above, I'm finishing up with my job at Hope. It's not a decision made lightly, or on the spur of the moment - this has been something that I've been going back and forth on and thinking about for a good month or two now - but it is happening. Next week, actually.
Which is both extremely scary, and rather exhilarating.
I'm hoping that I can use this season to take care of myself a bit better, so I can actually be a better me. So I can use these gifts I have, and maybe even get paid for it. Or maybe I'll find bits of other jobs. We'll see. I don't know yet.
But I know that God does. And this an adventure we're on together. I may be blind - but I'm being led by the best guide there is.
I'm looking forward to sharing the next chapter of this story with you. I'm sure you'll hear more from me before too long.