Allusion to an illusion of elusion.

Heh. OK, that was partly just for fun.

But it's not just that. Been doing NaNoWriMo again (look it up if one of your friends hasn't been posting about it), and my story for this time round is called The Illusionist (working title, but currently doubt I'll think of something better).

I knew that when I started, the character was going to be based pretty heavily on me. The Illusionist was a character I came up with a while ago, as a sort of superhero-type person. He's not that in the story, though. No powers as such. But I almost made him up as something that I could dress up as for something or other. A kind of alter ego, I guess.

And it's somewhat ironic, I think. Because I am often known for playing my cards close to my chest; for being somewhat elusive when it comes to giving answers. Or not being straight about the answers given.

And then, more often than not, I burrow myself away in my own little world; some sort of urban hermit, a recluse amidst modern society. I seemingly run away from interaction and connection.

But I would call that an illusion.

More the case is a combination of things. Firstly, I'm not good at interaction and connection. Not the way I seem to be wired, if you want to put it that way. It tires me out and burns me up. Secondly, alone is safe. I've been that way for long enough. I know it pretty well. And though I wouldn't call myself either 'comfortable' or 'happy' with it, it's not risky, dangerous or unsafe. Sometimes, some interactions can seem that they might be like that. Thirdly, and probably more to the point - because those two are more like excuses - it reminds me of the people I want to be with, but all too often aren't. And it gets me down quite a bit. Also, if I'm honest with myself, another big reason I've found this year so hard. You're kind of around a lot of people a lot of the time.

But yeah. I'm not being alone all the time because I like it. It's just currently preferable.

And now, I believe that I have, in fact, alluded to my illusion of generally eluding the social sphere.