On PDAs.

No, not a Personal Digital Assistant. (And yes, for those wondering, that's what the other PDA stood for! I had to look it up.) We're talking Public Displays of Affection here. Particularly of the Personal and Physical variety, rather than the General or Verbal.....though usually that's what it's taken to mean. But it doesn't specify in the wording! So it's good to be specific.

The other week, me and Thalia were at a party where a friend of Thalia's approached her afterwards and said that we had made her uncomfortable with the level of physical affection that we were showing to each other. She had noted it in a joking fashion quite early on, and so we had pulled back - but evidently not to a level where she felt comfortable. (I have run this post past the friend first, she's okay for me to post it!)

Before I continue, I want to note that this is not me just going, this is wrong, this isn't, etc, dadadada. Things are always subtle and complex, people are people, your situation is unique. Be smart and such.

But it got me thinking. Because for me, being able to show my affection for someone publicly is actually something very significant and important. It's showing them that I don't just love them and treat them well when it's just us; I act the same around their friends, around my friends, around family. I'm not saying I act exactly the same in all those circumstances - but in all of them, I endeavour to show my love and affection in a way that is visible to her, and to others.
It's also important to me because, growing up, I didn't do that so much. I was much more inward-focussed, and tended to not show my emotion as much as some. Which is probably fairly typical for a guy. But that's not want to be any more, and not what I've wanted to be for quite a while.

So that's on my level. On an us level; both me and Thalia have physical touch quite high as love languages. For her, it's her primary love language. It's about my second or third - I'm not sure which it is in a relationship. I think quality time is still my primary one, though. But physical touch is still very high. And so it's important to both of us that we don't ignore that.

But going beyond us - as you probably know, many people find PDAs uncomfortable. You might be one of those people. You may turn away from the couple kissing in public, or the partners getting a little too close, or other similar displays. But why is this? Why do people find it uncomfortable? Arguably, showing love for each other is a good thing, whether public or private. Demonstrating that in a visible way is a good thing. That shouldn't change depending on where we are. So where does this uncomfortability come from?

Well, I have a theory. I haven't looked it up or anything - perhaps someone else can do that - it's just a thought that I've had. But I think it comes primarily from the generations before us.

Many people have grown up with parents or grandparents that didn't really show much affection, or not in a physical way. They weren't really huggers. My dad wasn't one until more recently! Some, or even many, may have discouraged this type of affection among their children, either directly or indirectly. And so physical affection became an uncomfortable thing to see and do, rather than a good and wholesome thing. And if you didn't grow up that way, you could easily be brought into it by others that were. Convinced that it was the norm - or the way things should be.

But I want to argue that this is not the case. Or, at least, it should not be. I'm not saying that people should be on top of each other in public. But showing your affection in a physical way - hugging, kissing, holding hands, arms around each other, stroking hair - these and other gestures like them are natural and good ways to show love for each other, and that shouldn't be constrained to just times when you're alone with somebody.

Yes, you will find people that are sensitive. Guaranteed. There are times and places that it will be awkward. Uncomfortable. And unfortunately, as people, we tend to avoid awkward and uncomfortable - but these are the places where we are challenged. Grown. Where we learn more about ourselves, and other people. And this is so important.

I'm not saying this as a blanket statement, as mentioned earlier. But, in general - public displays of affection? Let's make them uncomfortable and awkward no more. Let's teach other people, and particularly the next generation, that showing affection for each other in a visible way, in a physical way, is a good, healthy, and natural thing to do. :) <3