Well, it gets closer to 20/20 the further you go, at least. Because it's weird like that.
At the beginning of last year, I did this post. Go and read it, because without it this one isn't going to make much sense. Done? Good.
There was a couple of times later in that year that I had similar panic attacks, or whatever they were, but not as bad, and in different situations. One time it was in a young adults social skills group. The other when I was doing some research participation. At the time, I related each of them back to what was happening right there - each different fears that I struggled with.
But looking back, I think I can see an answer that's a bit more clear, and makes a bit more sense.
I'm the sort of person that naturally retreats from situations, when I feel unsafe. I remove myself, often physically, and go to where I do feel safe. Now, over time, I've expanded what that idea of 'safe' includes, and been able to be more comfortable in places where I previously would really not have been. But there are still things which feel unsafe, or uncomfortable for me.
In each of these three times when I had this panic attack, the commonality was this: I felt unsafe, and I couldn't retreat. I couldn't remove myself from the situation. In the one I talked about in that post, I was quite literally under fire (admittedly, from paintball guns, but still). In the second, I was in a closed room. There wasn't anywhere to go - I probably would have felt embarrassed if I just left. The third time, similarly, I was in an enclosed space. That time, thankfully, I was able to sidestep it and come up with a different solution. I might have posted about it at some point, can't remember.
But yeah. I've realised that this is something that I'm going to need to do some work on. Not exactly sure what that's going to look like - and it's probably going to be really really hard and not fun - but I know God's going to help me with it. Because he's awesome like that.
Friday, 13 November 2015
Friday, 6 November 2015
On Being Busy.
Well, it's been a while. Apparently I haven't posted for a couple of months or so. My goodness. In my defence, I've had a lot happening. Like, a lot a lot.
So, for starters, I'm working three jobs. Woo! Never particularly wanted that, but there you go. So I'm doing the warehouse job at Koorong, then found an extras role for a movie (yep, proper Hollywood movie and all) through Facebook (as you do), and I've been working on a website/online store for a company I worked for a couple of years back (which you can check out here, as we went live just this Tuesday!). So that's been taking up most, if not all, of my week for the past while.
As well as that, I've been involved in doing Sound for A Few Good Men (which was fantastic) at the Campbelltown Theatre Group, Shalom is getting ready to do a few concerts and also gearing up for our India tour at the beginning of next year (not too long now....a little bit scary, actually), I've got Life Group (like Bible study, but the idea is that you're doing life together as well, not just studying a book) on Thursday nights, then usually involved in church on Sundays. And that's not including this album that I'm still trying to make happen, or this book that I'm wanting to write! Crazy, crazy stuff.
So that has been taking up, as you can imagine, a lot of my time. Which means that the very rare time that I don't have one of these things happening - I basically just want to crash. Relax. Do nothing. Play games. Watch an episode of something online I've missed. YouTube. But then there's friends that I want to interact with; family I want to interact with; and responsibilities I have around the house (which I have been kinda terrible at, being busy and such).
But because I've been so busy, that means that these have fallen by the wayside. I'm not maintaining my relationships with my friends, or with my family. And those are things that I think are super-duper important. Particularly because I know that, especially with my family, time with them is just going to decrease - as I look towards moving out, and all that sort of thing (hopefully early next year!). And I also know that once you start to set a trend, it can get quite difficult to change once it gets going. So that's why I'm changing it now.
I've finished up with theatre for the moment; I've let the movie know that I'm doing my last day in a couple of weeks; and now that the site has launched, there's less of a rush to get things happening there. There's still a bit happening - but less. Less enough to give me some breathing room. And that's all I need, really. I like having things to do, and not sitting around and doing nothing. But if that is encroaching on my time, and effecting my relationships with my family and friends - then there's a problem. And that's not even going into how it effects my relationship with God.
So yeah. That's been my headspace - well, part of it - for the last little while. The other part has been very much about next year - but I might save that for the next post. Doing a workshop, a concert and two talks in the next forty hours. So need some sleep! Night folks.
So, for starters, I'm working three jobs. Woo! Never particularly wanted that, but there you go. So I'm doing the warehouse job at Koorong, then found an extras role for a movie (yep, proper Hollywood movie and all) through Facebook (as you do), and I've been working on a website/online store for a company I worked for a couple of years back (which you can check out here, as we went live just this Tuesday!). So that's been taking up most, if not all, of my week for the past while.
As well as that, I've been involved in doing Sound for A Few Good Men (which was fantastic) at the Campbelltown Theatre Group, Shalom is getting ready to do a few concerts and also gearing up for our India tour at the beginning of next year (not too long now....a little bit scary, actually), I've got Life Group (like Bible study, but the idea is that you're doing life together as well, not just studying a book) on Thursday nights, then usually involved in church on Sundays. And that's not including this album that I'm still trying to make happen, or this book that I'm wanting to write! Crazy, crazy stuff.
So that has been taking up, as you can imagine, a lot of my time. Which means that the very rare time that I don't have one of these things happening - I basically just want to crash. Relax. Do nothing. Play games. Watch an episode of something online I've missed. YouTube. But then there's friends that I want to interact with; family I want to interact with; and responsibilities I have around the house (which I have been kinda terrible at, being busy and such).
But because I've been so busy, that means that these have fallen by the wayside. I'm not maintaining my relationships with my friends, or with my family. And those are things that I think are super-duper important. Particularly because I know that, especially with my family, time with them is just going to decrease - as I look towards moving out, and all that sort of thing (hopefully early next year!). And I also know that once you start to set a trend, it can get quite difficult to change once it gets going. So that's why I'm changing it now.
I've finished up with theatre for the moment; I've let the movie know that I'm doing my last day in a couple of weeks; and now that the site has launched, there's less of a rush to get things happening there. There's still a bit happening - but less. Less enough to give me some breathing room. And that's all I need, really. I like having things to do, and not sitting around and doing nothing. But if that is encroaching on my time, and effecting my relationships with my family and friends - then there's a problem. And that's not even going into how it effects my relationship with God.
So yeah. That's been my headspace - well, part of it - for the last little while. The other part has been very much about next year - but I might save that for the next post. Doing a workshop, a concert and two talks in the next forty hours. So need some sleep! Night folks.
Monday, 31 August 2015
A radical thought.
This is going to be a bit left of field and far-fetched. But bear with me.
People, generally speaking (you get some exceptions in pockets here and there) want a peaceful world. They often think that it's an ideal that will never happen, but that's what they want, and dream about, and strive for. And you frequently hear of the idea of armies and soldiers being to fight for peace - to put themselves out of a job, if you will.
But armies, soldiers, guns, bombs, nukes - these only have a place if there are others of them in the world. They were created to combat an opposing force, an opposing weapon or strategy.
So, here's a radical idea.
Why don't we just get rid of the lot? No more guns. No more nukes. No more bombs. No more bullets. No more places to make guns, or nukes, or bombs, or bullets. Or tanks. Or fighter airplanes and subs. (That one might be a bit harder, considering we've got regular planes and subs that aren't that much different.) No more stealth jets.
At the moment, that probably sounds ridiculously ludicrous. And understandably so. How on earth would you go about it? How would you get everybody to comply? I don't rightly know, to be honest. To be sure, you'd get some people that wouldn't be too happy about it - and not just terrorists and the like, but also people that are just generally quite attached to their guns (not looking at you at all, America....). And people will say, "but if we have no guns, and they have guns....then we're sitting ducks!" Then make armour, silly-billies. Work at defensive measures, rather than offensive measures.
Yes, it's probably just another blue sky dream from this head in the clouds. But it seems to be something that people don't ever really think of. Or just dismiss too quickly. *shrugs*
People, generally speaking (you get some exceptions in pockets here and there) want a peaceful world. They often think that it's an ideal that will never happen, but that's what they want, and dream about, and strive for. And you frequently hear of the idea of armies and soldiers being to fight for peace - to put themselves out of a job, if you will.
But armies, soldiers, guns, bombs, nukes - these only have a place if there are others of them in the world. They were created to combat an opposing force, an opposing weapon or strategy.
So, here's a radical idea.
Why don't we just get rid of the lot? No more guns. No more nukes. No more bombs. No more bullets. No more places to make guns, or nukes, or bombs, or bullets. Or tanks. Or fighter airplanes and subs. (That one might be a bit harder, considering we've got regular planes and subs that aren't that much different.) No more stealth jets.
At the moment, that probably sounds ridiculously ludicrous. And understandably so. How on earth would you go about it? How would you get everybody to comply? I don't rightly know, to be honest. To be sure, you'd get some people that wouldn't be too happy about it - and not just terrorists and the like, but also people that are just generally quite attached to their guns (not looking at you at all, America....). And people will say, "but if we have no guns, and they have guns....then we're sitting ducks!" Then make armour, silly-billies. Work at defensive measures, rather than offensive measures.
Yes, it's probably just another blue sky dream from this head in the clouds. But it seems to be something that people don't ever really think of. Or just dismiss too quickly. *shrugs*
Sunday, 2 August 2015
Scorpions and Cyclones.
For the last couple of months or so, I've been watching through the TV show Scorpion with my brother. For those who aren't familiar with the show's basic premise, it's fairly simple - this guy called Walter has a ridiculously high IQ, and gathers around him a team of like-minded people, and together they solve problems that other people can't. Slyvester is the maths whiz; Happy is the engineer; Toby is the shrink. Then you've also got Paige, who you could basically call their PR person; she's not high-IQ, but she's the one who makes sure that they don't annoy everyone else too much, basically. Cabe is the guy who oversees it all from the U.S. Department of Homeland Security. Oh, and Paige's son Ralph, who happens to also be a genius.
To give you a bit of an idea, the series starts off with them trying to land planes that have had a bug in the software, and now have no way to communicate with the ground. It ends with one plane flying over a car going at high speed, and a cable going from one to the other. Yep. It's pretty big. The mid-season finale ends with them in Bosnia. (Unfortunately, that's all that we've got so far down here in Auz.) In-between, we have biohacking, bombing, assassination, nuclear power plants, and a prison break. It's pretty action-packed, for those that are really into that.
The characters each fall into nice roles pretty early on. Happy is quite stoic, keeps herself to herself, and can be quite short with people at times; Toby is the wisecracking one, who ends up having some romantic interest in Happy; Sylvester feels a bit more immediately relatable, but has a lot of fears, and classic OCD; Paige is the touchy-feely one/mum; Cabe is the hardass fed/dad to Walter when things get rough; and Walter - he's the one who looks after the team, but rubs up the wrong way with most people, and has a bit of an ego problem.
With the whole idea being that these folks are über-smart, it would be easy for a lot of concepts to fly above people's heads. Thankfully, that doesn't happen (though, admittedly, speaking as a fairly smart person myself, but anyway), thanks to Cabe and Paige, who the other characters tend to explain things to nicely for us.
There's a lot that I'm loving about this series. It's got some great people on board; it looks at some really interesting ideas; it has a great mix of action and story; but probably what I love most is the way that it weaves together the genius and the human elements. You see Toby struggling with his feelings for Happy; Happy's reluctance to talk about her father, whom she eventually meets again; Sylvester's former battle with depression; Cabe and Walter's complex relationship, and the passing of a mantle, in a way; Paige's difficulties in raising a genius son, while not being a genius herself, and then having his dad step into the picture; and Walter's struggle with believing that emotions are weakness, while clearly feeling for his team, and for Paige and Ralph. And that's what I really love about this series, and also why I decided to watch it with my brother.
This is one that I've really loved so far, and I'm really looking forward to the second half of season one - I hope it gets over to Australia soon!
To give you a bit of an idea, the series starts off with them trying to land planes that have had a bug in the software, and now have no way to communicate with the ground. It ends with one plane flying over a car going at high speed, and a cable going from one to the other. Yep. It's pretty big. The mid-season finale ends with them in Bosnia. (Unfortunately, that's all that we've got so far down here in Auz.) In-between, we have biohacking, bombing, assassination, nuclear power plants, and a prison break. It's pretty action-packed, for those that are really into that.
The characters each fall into nice roles pretty early on. Happy is quite stoic, keeps herself to herself, and can be quite short with people at times; Toby is the wisecracking one, who ends up having some romantic interest in Happy; Sylvester feels a bit more immediately relatable, but has a lot of fears, and classic OCD; Paige is the touchy-feely one/mum; Cabe is the hardass fed/dad to Walter when things get rough; and Walter - he's the one who looks after the team, but rubs up the wrong way with most people, and has a bit of an ego problem.
With the whole idea being that these folks are über-smart, it would be easy for a lot of concepts to fly above people's heads. Thankfully, that doesn't happen (though, admittedly, speaking as a fairly smart person myself, but anyway), thanks to Cabe and Paige, who the other characters tend to explain things to nicely for us.
There's a lot that I'm loving about this series. It's got some great people on board; it looks at some really interesting ideas; it has a great mix of action and story; but probably what I love most is the way that it weaves together the genius and the human elements. You see Toby struggling with his feelings for Happy; Happy's reluctance to talk about her father, whom she eventually meets again; Sylvester's former battle with depression; Cabe and Walter's complex relationship, and the passing of a mantle, in a way; Paige's difficulties in raising a genius son, while not being a genius herself, and then having his dad step into the picture; and Walter's struggle with believing that emotions are weakness, while clearly feeling for his team, and for Paige and Ralph. And that's what I really love about this series, and also why I decided to watch it with my brother.
This is one that I've really loved so far, and I'm really looking forward to the second half of season one - I hope it gets over to Australia soon!
Friday, 17 July 2015
Hearing God.
I've had a bit of a journey when it comes to hearing God, since I was quite young to now. It's something that I've reflected on before - I particularly did so when I did my story for my church's 'Real Stories, Real Faith' series - but things have changed a bit since then.
So, when I was younger, I didn't hear God. Praying felt like talking to God, not talking with him. And I wanted the latter, but I didn't really know how to get there. It didn't ever make me think that he wasn't there; because he'd communicate with me in other ways, which were much less direct. And I'd see him working in my life. But I wouldn't hear him at all. I remember once having a diary where you were there was a space to write down answers you heard to prayers. Those sections were always empty. I never heard God.
Things changed around the time of uni. I can't remember exactly when it happened, but at some point, I was just having quite casual interactions with God. It's not that I was hearing him, persay - more feeling him, sensing some of his emotions. One of the main ones I'd feel was laughter. He joked a lot with me, and I with him. That's partly where I got the idea that God is the ultimate troll from. But I think I talked about that in another post.
At some point - I can't remember quite when - I started going on walks with God. And he would show bits and pieces to me. I'd see something, and knew that it meant this or that - it was God's way of speaking to me. So I try to go for walks pretty regularly, even if it's just short.
Since then, I'd also had a few times when my mentor had asked me to go to a specific time and invite God or Jesus into that place, and we'd have a bit of a conversation there. Some of those were fairly short and simple - some had a bit more to them. But all really impacted me.
Last Sunday, I heard Bill Hybels' talk on time, and how we use it. And one of the big points he talked about was spending 15 minutes every day in a chair, listening to God and reading his Word. So I thought I'd give it a go. Our church is starting The Story this coming Sunday (if you haven't heard of it, it's the Bible written like a novel, in chronological order - it goes for 30-something weeks) so I thought I'd read that. So I spent some time reading that, then some time in prayer. I finished and I still had a few minutes left. So I thought, what the heck, let's try and have a conversation with God, like I did sometimes back with my mentor. And yeah. That happened. It was really simple. And really awesome. :) So I've been having some pretty awesome chats with God each day in that time, which has been really great.
I think part of the thing that held me back before was self-doubt - the thought of, "but no, that's just my own mind talking there," and that sort of thing. But I've since found that things like worry, doubt, fear - these things are always going to get between you and God, rather than connect you to him. (Yes, the Bible says to fear God. That's a different sort of fear, and not what I'm talking about here.) So yeah.
I'm still learning, but I thought that was a pretty cool thing that I'd like to reflect on :) As an aside, I definitely recommend taking the 15 minute Chair Challenge. And do it in an actual chair, and the same chair each time. It's a psychological thing, with the same environment and such. Even better if you can do it at the same time each day. Give it a go for a week, and see what happens :)
So, when I was younger, I didn't hear God. Praying felt like talking to God, not talking with him. And I wanted the latter, but I didn't really know how to get there. It didn't ever make me think that he wasn't there; because he'd communicate with me in other ways, which were much less direct. And I'd see him working in my life. But I wouldn't hear him at all. I remember once having a diary where you were there was a space to write down answers you heard to prayers. Those sections were always empty. I never heard God.
Things changed around the time of uni. I can't remember exactly when it happened, but at some point, I was just having quite casual interactions with God. It's not that I was hearing him, persay - more feeling him, sensing some of his emotions. One of the main ones I'd feel was laughter. He joked a lot with me, and I with him. That's partly where I got the idea that God is the ultimate troll from. But I think I talked about that in another post.
At some point - I can't remember quite when - I started going on walks with God. And he would show bits and pieces to me. I'd see something, and knew that it meant this or that - it was God's way of speaking to me. So I try to go for walks pretty regularly, even if it's just short.
Since then, I'd also had a few times when my mentor had asked me to go to a specific time and invite God or Jesus into that place, and we'd have a bit of a conversation there. Some of those were fairly short and simple - some had a bit more to them. But all really impacted me.
Last Sunday, I heard Bill Hybels' talk on time, and how we use it. And one of the big points he talked about was spending 15 minutes every day in a chair, listening to God and reading his Word. So I thought I'd give it a go. Our church is starting The Story this coming Sunday (if you haven't heard of it, it's the Bible written like a novel, in chronological order - it goes for 30-something weeks) so I thought I'd read that. So I spent some time reading that, then some time in prayer. I finished and I still had a few minutes left. So I thought, what the heck, let's try and have a conversation with God, like I did sometimes back with my mentor. And yeah. That happened. It was really simple. And really awesome. :) So I've been having some pretty awesome chats with God each day in that time, which has been really great.
I think part of the thing that held me back before was self-doubt - the thought of, "but no, that's just my own mind talking there," and that sort of thing. But I've since found that things like worry, doubt, fear - these things are always going to get between you and God, rather than connect you to him. (Yes, the Bible says to fear God. That's a different sort of fear, and not what I'm talking about here.) So yeah.
I'm still learning, but I thought that was a pretty cool thing that I'd like to reflect on :) As an aside, I definitely recommend taking the 15 minute Chair Challenge. And do it in an actual chair, and the same chair each time. It's a psychological thing, with the same environment and such. Even better if you can do it at the same time each day. Give it a go for a week, and see what happens :)
Friday, 3 July 2015
Real Hope.
This last weekend, I got the opportunity to help out Hope 103.2 with their annual June Appeal. For those who aren't aware, Hope is a community listener-funded Christian radio station. It doesn't get government or commercial support - it has a limited amount of air time that it can give to sponsors for commercials, and some sponsors are on the website, but the rest of their money they get from people who donate. So every year they have a big effort leading up to the end of the financial year in June. (I think they might also have another one in November. Not sure.)
This year, their target was $850,000. Just from donations. I was there on Friday, Saturday and Monday for a fair bit of time, and got to see a reasonable amount of what was happening. I'd been part of it last year as well, but I don't think I was there for as long.
Now, that my seem like a pretty hefty target for some of you folks - particularly if you've ever tried raising money yourself! But they actually ended up raising over $1.1 million. Which is pretty darn awesome.
So, I was on the phones, and people would ring in and say they wanted to give a particular amount, and sometimes they would share a bit of a story with you. You had people ringing in to give anything from ten dollars to ten thousand dollars, and everything in between. Kids donating pocket money and birthday money, people out of work donating money, single parents, pensioners, businesses, uni students - people from just about everywhere. We actually had someone from America who works on the plane trip from somewhere in America to Sydney calling in to give! (She was in Sydney at the time, thankfully.)
As you can imagine, you got some incredible stories. Stories of people who had lost so much, and then found Hope; people who just happened upon the station at just the right time; people who had been listening to the station since it started 36 years ago (though it wasn't called Hope back then); I even had one guy call in who wasn't a Christian, but still wanted to donate because he listened so much! It was pretty awesome.
My story with Hope, for a long time, wasn't really my story at all. I grew up with my parents having 103.2 on in the car whenever we were driving around, so it was the main radio station that I knew (though Dad would often put on the sport AM station). So many of the other stations were talking about things or playing music that I wasn't comfortable with playing, so when it came to the point where I had my own car and chose what I played myself, Hope was my first choice. But most of the time, I just played CDs, and didn't listen to the radio. I just wanted music! Radio had too many ads and talking for me.
This year, though, that changed a bit. I've talked in one of the other posts about how I've been struggling this year, particularly with my point of trying to do it alone (not healthy). Hope has really helped me through that, I think. More and more this year, I've found that I've been listening to Hope, and leaving the CDs out. Not all the time, but now most of the time, I'm listening to the radio rather than my collection (and I've got quite a collection!) - though this may also be something to do with the fact that I now have work in the morning, and Dan and Dwayne are on :D (The same Dan from Saturday Disney, 90s kids. Yep. He's pretty great :) )
So yeah. That's my Hope story, I guess. But what I've realised, looking back, is that Hope is really two big things.
Firstly, it brings joy. The amount of laughter and joy and fun in that radio station is fantastic. And I particularly felt that being there, and talking to the people and interacting with them myself.
Secondly, it shows you that God is working, here and now. Because you hear these stories of Hope, so often, when people ring in and talk about the impact that Hope has had on their lives; and you realise that God is still there, and still working, and still being awesome. (Because that's just what he does, yo.)
And through that, there is real hope. Not a kind of nice idea or philosophy or airy-fairy thing, but real. Working. Living. Moving. Today.
And that's pretty cool ;)
This year, their target was $850,000. Just from donations. I was there on Friday, Saturday and Monday for a fair bit of time, and got to see a reasonable amount of what was happening. I'd been part of it last year as well, but I don't think I was there for as long.
Now, that my seem like a pretty hefty target for some of you folks - particularly if you've ever tried raising money yourself! But they actually ended up raising over $1.1 million. Which is pretty darn awesome.
So, I was on the phones, and people would ring in and say they wanted to give a particular amount, and sometimes they would share a bit of a story with you. You had people ringing in to give anything from ten dollars to ten thousand dollars, and everything in between. Kids donating pocket money and birthday money, people out of work donating money, single parents, pensioners, businesses, uni students - people from just about everywhere. We actually had someone from America who works on the plane trip from somewhere in America to Sydney calling in to give! (She was in Sydney at the time, thankfully.)
As you can imagine, you got some incredible stories. Stories of people who had lost so much, and then found Hope; people who just happened upon the station at just the right time; people who had been listening to the station since it started 36 years ago (though it wasn't called Hope back then); I even had one guy call in who wasn't a Christian, but still wanted to donate because he listened so much! It was pretty awesome.
My story with Hope, for a long time, wasn't really my story at all. I grew up with my parents having 103.2 on in the car whenever we were driving around, so it was the main radio station that I knew (though Dad would often put on the sport AM station). So many of the other stations were talking about things or playing music that I wasn't comfortable with playing, so when it came to the point where I had my own car and chose what I played myself, Hope was my first choice. But most of the time, I just played CDs, and didn't listen to the radio. I just wanted music! Radio had too many ads and talking for me.
This year, though, that changed a bit. I've talked in one of the other posts about how I've been struggling this year, particularly with my point of trying to do it alone (not healthy). Hope has really helped me through that, I think. More and more this year, I've found that I've been listening to Hope, and leaving the CDs out. Not all the time, but now most of the time, I'm listening to the radio rather than my collection (and I've got quite a collection!) - though this may also be something to do with the fact that I now have work in the morning, and Dan and Dwayne are on :D (The same Dan from Saturday Disney, 90s kids. Yep. He's pretty great :) )
So yeah. That's my Hope story, I guess. But what I've realised, looking back, is that Hope is really two big things.
Firstly, it brings joy. The amount of laughter and joy and fun in that radio station is fantastic. And I particularly felt that being there, and talking to the people and interacting with them myself.
Secondly, it shows you that God is working, here and now. Because you hear these stories of Hope, so often, when people ring in and talk about the impact that Hope has had on their lives; and you realise that God is still there, and still working, and still being awesome. (Because that's just what he does, yo.)
And through that, there is real hope. Not a kind of nice idea or philosophy or airy-fairy thing, but real. Working. Living. Moving. Today.
And that's pretty cool ;)
Sunday, 28 June 2015
God's Plans vs My Plans
Well. Today has been interesting.
I've done a couple of posts recently about some of my projects, and ideas for the future, and where I thought God was leading me and such.
God just came in from left field and hit it out of the park, like he does.
Let me explain.
Today at my church, we had a pastor come in from Thailand, because we're supporting the people from a particular area there, and particularly this pastor's ministry (he oversees a few different churches, I believe). For those who aren't aware, I went on a Thailand Outreach Trip in 2008 with my school to Varee Chiangmai School, along with a group from Pacific Academy in Canada. Cause we be cool like that. Mainly teaching kids English, Bible, maths, science, etc. So I know a bit about Thailand and that sort of thing, but it's been a while. My vocabulary of Thai is "hello" and "thank you".
So, after the service, I thought I'd go and say hello. In Thai. Because why not? He's surprised, obviously, and asks me if I speak Thai. I say only a little, and tell him about the mission trip I went on. He then asks me a bit more about myself, and I tell him that I did music at uni and did a year of Bible college. He then excitedly says, "You should come do a mission with us!" And proceeds to talk about me teaching English at the school there, teaching music at the church on the weekends, having a place to stay in, being over there for six months or even a year....it was a little bit much for me, particularly for this guy who finds this idea of doing anything for a long time quite strange! It was pretty overwhelming, needless to say.
And, being me, I was thinking that would be fun, and nice, and great, but surely I wouldn't be able to. I just wouldn't have the money, or the time, and I just have so many other things to do here. But the more that I thought about it - I guess the more I realised that those were more excuses than anything else. I had always wanted to go back to Thailand at some point, but I never thought it would be anything like this. I never saw myself as being a missionary - or a teacher! Oh, I'm a terrible teacher. I just move way too fast.... but yeah. I saw that these were more excuses that I was throwing up, more than anything else. And that actually, the only reason I wouldn't be able to go was my own unwillingness. As the Thai pastor had said this very morning - with God, anything is possible.
Right now - I don't know what God is wanting me to do. I thought I had a good idea about where God was leading me (well, sort of). But this kinda blows that all out of the water. So it's something that I'm going to need to take some time to think and pray about - but it's certainly challenged me, and my ideas about what God's got in store. Challenged me to think a bit further beyond myself. (Nice one, CCOC people, right? Right? ;) ) Anyway. We'll see, I guess. Knowing God, this is probably going to be another one of those I'm-going-to-leave-it-up-to-you kind of ones. But yeah. Will let you know if anything further develops along this line!
I've done a couple of posts recently about some of my projects, and ideas for the future, and where I thought God was leading me and such.
God just came in from left field and hit it out of the park, like he does.
Let me explain.
Today at my church, we had a pastor come in from Thailand, because we're supporting the people from a particular area there, and particularly this pastor's ministry (he oversees a few different churches, I believe). For those who aren't aware, I went on a Thailand Outreach Trip in 2008 with my school to Varee Chiangmai School, along with a group from Pacific Academy in Canada. Cause we be cool like that. Mainly teaching kids English, Bible, maths, science, etc. So I know a bit about Thailand and that sort of thing, but it's been a while. My vocabulary of Thai is "hello" and "thank you".
So, after the service, I thought I'd go and say hello. In Thai. Because why not? He's surprised, obviously, and asks me if I speak Thai. I say only a little, and tell him about the mission trip I went on. He then asks me a bit more about myself, and I tell him that I did music at uni and did a year of Bible college. He then excitedly says, "You should come do a mission with us!" And proceeds to talk about me teaching English at the school there, teaching music at the church on the weekends, having a place to stay in, being over there for six months or even a year....it was a little bit much for me, particularly for this guy who finds this idea of doing anything for a long time quite strange! It was pretty overwhelming, needless to say.
And, being me, I was thinking that would be fun, and nice, and great, but surely I wouldn't be able to. I just wouldn't have the money, or the time, and I just have so many other things to do here. But the more that I thought about it - I guess the more I realised that those were more excuses than anything else. I had always wanted to go back to Thailand at some point, but I never thought it would be anything like this. I never saw myself as being a missionary - or a teacher! Oh, I'm a terrible teacher. I just move way too fast.... but yeah. I saw that these were more excuses that I was throwing up, more than anything else. And that actually, the only reason I wouldn't be able to go was my own unwillingness. As the Thai pastor had said this very morning - with God, anything is possible.
Right now - I don't know what God is wanting me to do. I thought I had a good idea about where God was leading me (well, sort of). But this kinda blows that all out of the water. So it's something that I'm going to need to take some time to think and pray about - but it's certainly challenged me, and my ideas about what God's got in store. Challenged me to think a bit further beyond myself. (Nice one, CCOC people, right? Right? ;) ) Anyway. We'll see, I guess. Knowing God, this is probably going to be another one of those I'm-going-to-leave-it-up-to-you kind of ones. But yeah. Will let you know if anything further develops along this line!
Well, a thing happened....
So, if you're on Facebook (as the vast majority of people are), you may have experienced something like this over the past couple of days.
If you're not aware of why this has happened, reading this might help.
Before we go any further, a quick disclaimer. My comments and opinions here are exactly that - comments and opinions. Please don't take them as representing any particular group, affiliation, movement, denomination, church, company, etc. etc. Also, don't take them as necessarily being right. I'm human and all.
Okay.
So I have a lot of friends who support this cause pretty heavily, as well as various LGBTQI (apologies if I'm missing a letter or two, it seems to be getting longer all the time) issues around the place. I also have a fair few friends who are against it pretty heavily. And probably a fair few in between, being the way of things. But don't worry, Tim Minchin made a song for you guys! And me....well, yeah. I'm still trying to figure that out, in some ways. So. Let's start with the easy ones.
1. God loves all people. Easy one. God made everyone - God loves everyone, regardless of gender, race, sexuality, marriage or relationship status, and no matter what you've said or done. That's a constant. The Bible's pretty clear on that one, I reckon.
2. Adultery is a sin. Bible is pretty clear on that one. Doesn't matter who it's with, guys, girls - if you're not married and you're having sex, God calls that not good.
Now, opinion.
3. I don't think that your sexual preference, in and of itself, is a sin. This is more my opinion. But I don't think that the way you're sexually inclined - nature vs. nurture debate aside - is a sin in itself.
4. I think that having a mum and a dad is super-duper important. Not because two mums or two dads can't raise kids, or can't love their kids, because that's just a bit silly. But because it's part of learning your identity as a man or woman - and having the male and female role model there for that is so important. However. This, in itself, should not be an argument against gay marriage. Why? Single parents. Exactly the same problem, but I don't see people saying, "Oy, you need to get a partner now, so that you can raise your kids right!" Because it's insensitive, and wrong. That's not how it works. I do think, though, that having a father figure, or a mother figure, if one or the other isn't there, is so vitally important to a child's development and understanding of who they are as a man or woman. (Yes, people will probably respond to that saying, well, what about other genders? I'm sorry, I just don't know the issue well enough to speak to that.)
5. The Bible says that God made us with free will. And quite intentionally made us that way, so that we could freely choose right or wrong in our lives. That was so, so important to him in making us, that he limited himself in doing so. (Because if he wants to preserve our own free will, that means there are some things that he can't do. Even though he could, he restricts himself.) I think that preserving that free will is so important - whether we agree with the choices being made or not. Now, that doesn't mean that those choices won't have consequences - and, sometimes, those choices will have consequences that have a legal nature, such as fines and prison and such. That's a whole different issue, which is fun itself to talk about. But I don't think that preventing people from being able to make a decision is ever helpful - particularly not when we're talking about adults. If you're talking about kids, to a degree, I'll get you - though I won't always agree - but we're not.
That's all I've got. And, drawing from these that I am pretty sure of - I'm pretty happy with what's happened in America. Don't I think that it redefines and endangers the sacred idea of marriage as defined by the Bible? Sure, it probably does. And if that's a view of marriage that you hold as your ideal - then fantastic, treasure that for yourself. But perhaps let others make their own choice, and have their own definition of marriage? I've heard plenty of arguments from both sides, and plenty to make me think in both camps. (One I'd be interested to get peoples thoughts on is this one, that I found quite interesting. I do realise it's using the Slippery Slope fallacy.) And, to be honest, I'm not exactly sure where I fit. It's changed a fair bit over the years. But I do think that people should be allowed to make their own choices - and if they're bad choices or wrong choices, then sure, help them with the consequences of that. And every choice does have consequences, good and bad. But you shouldn't be prevented from making that choice.
And, just because you're nice and you've gotten through the whole post, rainbow pigs!
Before we go any further, a quick disclaimer. My comments and opinions here are exactly that - comments and opinions. Please don't take them as representing any particular group, affiliation, movement, denomination, church, company, etc. etc. Also, don't take them as necessarily being right. I'm human and all.
Okay.
So I have a lot of friends who support this cause pretty heavily, as well as various LGBTQI (apologies if I'm missing a letter or two, it seems to be getting longer all the time) issues around the place. I also have a fair few friends who are against it pretty heavily. And probably a fair few in between, being the way of things. But don't worry, Tim Minchin made a song for you guys! And me....well, yeah. I'm still trying to figure that out, in some ways. So. Let's start with the easy ones.
1. God loves all people. Easy one. God made everyone - God loves everyone, regardless of gender, race, sexuality, marriage or relationship status, and no matter what you've said or done. That's a constant. The Bible's pretty clear on that one, I reckon.
2. Adultery is a sin. Bible is pretty clear on that one. Doesn't matter who it's with, guys, girls - if you're not married and you're having sex, God calls that not good.
Now, opinion.
3. I don't think that your sexual preference, in and of itself, is a sin. This is more my opinion. But I don't think that the way you're sexually inclined - nature vs. nurture debate aside - is a sin in itself.
4. I think that having a mum and a dad is super-duper important. Not because two mums or two dads can't raise kids, or can't love their kids, because that's just a bit silly. But because it's part of learning your identity as a man or woman - and having the male and female role model there for that is so important. However. This, in itself, should not be an argument against gay marriage. Why? Single parents. Exactly the same problem, but I don't see people saying, "Oy, you need to get a partner now, so that you can raise your kids right!" Because it's insensitive, and wrong. That's not how it works. I do think, though, that having a father figure, or a mother figure, if one or the other isn't there, is so vitally important to a child's development and understanding of who they are as a man or woman. (Yes, people will probably respond to that saying, well, what about other genders? I'm sorry, I just don't know the issue well enough to speak to that.)
5. The Bible says that God made us with free will. And quite intentionally made us that way, so that we could freely choose right or wrong in our lives. That was so, so important to him in making us, that he limited himself in doing so. (Because if he wants to preserve our own free will, that means there are some things that he can't do. Even though he could, he restricts himself.) I think that preserving that free will is so important - whether we agree with the choices being made or not. Now, that doesn't mean that those choices won't have consequences - and, sometimes, those choices will have consequences that have a legal nature, such as fines and prison and such. That's a whole different issue, which is fun itself to talk about. But I don't think that preventing people from being able to make a decision is ever helpful - particularly not when we're talking about adults. If you're talking about kids, to a degree, I'll get you - though I won't always agree - but we're not.
That's all I've got. And, drawing from these that I am pretty sure of - I'm pretty happy with what's happened in America. Don't I think that it redefines and endangers the sacred idea of marriage as defined by the Bible? Sure, it probably does. And if that's a view of marriage that you hold as your ideal - then fantastic, treasure that for yourself. But perhaps let others make their own choice, and have their own definition of marriage? I've heard plenty of arguments from both sides, and plenty to make me think in both camps. (One I'd be interested to get peoples thoughts on is this one, that I found quite interesting. I do realise it's using the Slippery Slope fallacy.) And, to be honest, I'm not exactly sure where I fit. It's changed a fair bit over the years. But I do think that people should be allowed to make their own choices - and if they're bad choices or wrong choices, then sure, help them with the consequences of that. And every choice does have consequences, good and bad. But you shouldn't be prevented from making that choice.
And, just because you're nice and you've gotten through the whole post, rainbow pigs!
Doing The Unimaginable.
So, in my recent post, I talked a bit about The Imitation Game. Essentially, it was pretty awesome. And it centred around this guy called Alan Turing, who was very much presented as being Aspie, on the Autism Spectrum. (Though those words were never used.) As such, I suppose there was very much a connection point for me there, with a lot of what he was struggling with - because in some aspects, I've struggled with similar things in my past. And some now, as well. However, there are some things that I think are quite different between us, which I'm quite thankful of. I like people, firstly. People are good.
One of the quotes that I loved from the film was this one: "Sometimes it's the very people who no-one imagines anything of who do the things no-one can imagine." And that made me wonder a bit, I must say. Because I think for me, my growing up has been very different; people have often imagined much of me. I'm often expected to do well, seen as the person to go to (even from people who don't know me well!). And I wonder sometimes if I've lost a bit of that 'unimaginable' element there; if I've become too predictable, too standardised and normal (there's some people probably shaking their heads a lot here) and understandable, and whether through that I've really lost something.
It's a hard thing to figure out. And I think there is some truth to that; because the more you are with particular people, the more you will become like them. That's just how we work as people, in general. But that means a compromise - losing some of yourself. So I suppose you have to make that choice - firstly, how much you want to connect with people; and secondly, which people you connect with. Because that can very much define who you are, I think. But yeah. Just something that got me wondering.
One of the quotes that I loved from the film was this one: "Sometimes it's the very people who no-one imagines anything of who do the things no-one can imagine." And that made me wonder a bit, I must say. Because I think for me, my growing up has been very different; people have often imagined much of me. I'm often expected to do well, seen as the person to go to (even from people who don't know me well!). And I wonder sometimes if I've lost a bit of that 'unimaginable' element there; if I've become too predictable, too standardised and normal (there's some people probably shaking their heads a lot here) and understandable, and whether through that I've really lost something.
It's a hard thing to figure out. And I think there is some truth to that; because the more you are with particular people, the more you will become like them. That's just how we work as people, in general. But that means a compromise - losing some of yourself. So I suppose you have to make that choice - firstly, how much you want to connect with people; and secondly, which people you connect with. Because that can very much define who you are, I think. But yeah. Just something that got me wondering.
The Incredible Imitation Game.
Okay. This is number two of three posts. It became three, because it was going to be too long to do a review and reflection in the one post. So.
The Imitation Game.
I watched this - now over a week ago - with some pretty high expectations, I must admit. I am a bit of a Cumberbatch fan, and I also love the story of Alan Turing and the Enigma machine (which, if you didn't know, is what the movie is about). So again, somewhat biased. My expectations were surpassed, regardless.
For those who haven't seen the movie, I will quickly summarise. Alan Turing is a maths whiz, who approaches the army with the idea of trying to solve Enigma - because it's the greatest puzzle, and he loves puzzles. He gets put on as part of a team, but really works by himself on his own idea instead; the others are working to try and decode the bits that they intercept, while he's working on a machine to translate everything. He goes to the head of the unit, saying that he needs 100,000 pounds to build his machine. He says no, so Alan sends a letter to Churchill; who gives him the money, and puts him in charge of the unit. He puts out a test to get new people in, and hires Joan, who is a graduate from Cambridge. They put in a lot of work, and make the machine happen, through a bunch of things working out nicely, essentially. With the help of the machine and MI6, they provide certain pieces of information to the Allies to help them win the war, but not let the Germans know they've cracked Enigma. Following this, all the records are destroyed, they go their separate ways, and told never to speak of this again. Many years later, a police investigation into Alan reveals that he is paying men to have sex with him. He is convicted of indecency, and chooses to undergo chemical castration instead of going to prison. He commits suicide.
There's a lot of subtlety in this movie. The basic idea - that Turing builds a machine to crack Enigma - is very simple. But this movie isn't about the machine; it's about Alan Turing. And as such, it follows his story, and how he develops and changes over time - and jumps into his backstory at points, going back to his time at school. In effect, the whole story is being told during an interrogation of Turing by a policeman much later in his life; so it has particular elements peculiar to that style. But the story is done very well. The historical nuances are done very well; talking about issues of homosexuality, gender bias, politics, social issues and the like - this movie is quite a complex tapestry that is woven through Alan's life. Alan Turing is certainly portrayed as being on the Autism Spectrum, which you will pick up if you're familiar with Asperger's or Autism. This, along with some other aspects of the film, have been criticised by some; (look here for a good example) and, not having read the proper biography myself, I can't comment on this. However, it's not surprising that Hollywood will dramatise the story a bit, and accentuate the Aspie-ness a little; it is a Spectrum, so it's quite possible that he could have been not as pronounced as the movie suggests, yet still on the Spectrum.
I thought that this was an incredible movie, and all of the aspects were done very well. One thing that I particularly loved was the ending. Because it didn't end with his suicide; in fact, his suicide is not shown on-screen. Instead, it ends with the group of them celebrating the end of the war, around a fire, throwing all their documents in. It finishes on joy and celebration of Alan's life, not mourning his death. And I think that was a good choice, and very well done. Definitely recommend this movie to anyone - but be aware that it is very much a feelings movie. So not if you're wanting a fun movie to just laugh and such. But very good.
The Imitation Game.
I watched this - now over a week ago - with some pretty high expectations, I must admit. I am a bit of a Cumberbatch fan, and I also love the story of Alan Turing and the Enigma machine (which, if you didn't know, is what the movie is about). So again, somewhat biased. My expectations were surpassed, regardless.
For those who haven't seen the movie, I will quickly summarise. Alan Turing is a maths whiz, who approaches the army with the idea of trying to solve Enigma - because it's the greatest puzzle, and he loves puzzles. He gets put on as part of a team, but really works by himself on his own idea instead; the others are working to try and decode the bits that they intercept, while he's working on a machine to translate everything. He goes to the head of the unit, saying that he needs 100,000 pounds to build his machine. He says no, so Alan sends a letter to Churchill; who gives him the money, and puts him in charge of the unit. He puts out a test to get new people in, and hires Joan, who is a graduate from Cambridge. They put in a lot of work, and make the machine happen, through a bunch of things working out nicely, essentially. With the help of the machine and MI6, they provide certain pieces of information to the Allies to help them win the war, but not let the Germans know they've cracked Enigma. Following this, all the records are destroyed, they go their separate ways, and told never to speak of this again. Many years later, a police investigation into Alan reveals that he is paying men to have sex with him. He is convicted of indecency, and chooses to undergo chemical castration instead of going to prison. He commits suicide.
There's a lot of subtlety in this movie. The basic idea - that Turing builds a machine to crack Enigma - is very simple. But this movie isn't about the machine; it's about Alan Turing. And as such, it follows his story, and how he develops and changes over time - and jumps into his backstory at points, going back to his time at school. In effect, the whole story is being told during an interrogation of Turing by a policeman much later in his life; so it has particular elements peculiar to that style. But the story is done very well. The historical nuances are done very well; talking about issues of homosexuality, gender bias, politics, social issues and the like - this movie is quite a complex tapestry that is woven through Alan's life. Alan Turing is certainly portrayed as being on the Autism Spectrum, which you will pick up if you're familiar with Asperger's or Autism. This, along with some other aspects of the film, have been criticised by some; (look here for a good example) and, not having read the proper biography myself, I can't comment on this. However, it's not surprising that Hollywood will dramatise the story a bit, and accentuate the Aspie-ness a little; it is a Spectrum, so it's quite possible that he could have been not as pronounced as the movie suggests, yet still on the Spectrum.
I thought that this was an incredible movie, and all of the aspects were done very well. One thing that I particularly loved was the ending. Because it didn't end with his suicide; in fact, his suicide is not shown on-screen. Instead, it ends with the group of them celebrating the end of the war, around a fire, throwing all their documents in. It finishes on joy and celebration of Alan's life, not mourning his death. And I think that was a good choice, and very well done. Definitely recommend this movie to anyone - but be aware that it is very much a feelings movie. So not if you're wanting a fun movie to just laugh and such. But very good.
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