At Your Core.

So, I've been away at Easterfest for the past weekend. And I'm heading away on my next Impart Intensive next Monday - hopefully I'll get a post up about my experience before then. If not, I'll definitely get up my vlog that I did towards the end.

But what this post is on is something that I was thinking about on my way back. I had a lot of time to think, because it's all the way up in Toowoomba, and that's a long drive. I read for some of it, but I still had lots of time on my hands. A did a fair bit of sleeping as well. But yeah, lots of thinking.

So, I've mentioned on here before that I'm an Aspie. Well, kinda. Latent or some such. Anyway, as such I'm seeing a psych. Always thought that it would be amusing - something like it's portrayed in Artemis Fowl (if you've never read it; essentially, he's a young [twelve I think] sauvant guy who comes across fairies/gnomes/goblins/the lot, proceeds to blackmail and then become great friends with them, and slowly get pulled out of his no-emotionality) - but it's actually been quite interesting insofar. And there was one nugget that was mentioned in my last session (I've only had two) that I found quite interesting.

Essentially, the important bit was that we each have core beliefs about ourselves; they usually are initiated from when we are quite young, tend to permeate through our whole life, are often negative, and are notoriously difficult to pin down and get rid of.

So we each have these. And randomly (as you do), on the ride back home, I realised what a couple of mine are. Well, a couple of my negative ones. And came up with something of an idea about how to get rid of negative ones as well - a three step plan! Because they always work so well.

Name It, Shake It, Replace It.

Naming It - this means being able to pin down what it actually is, specifically. As specific as you can get; it's much harder to fight against a general, blanket sort of thing. You need to name what the issue is.

Shaking It - this means getting rid of the bad, putting out the old. This, you can't do by yourself. You need friends, you need family, you need people around you that are telling you that these things are not true. Because you telling yourself doesn't work, and you know that. And this is where the third one comes in.

Replacing It - because it's not enough to try and just get rid of something bad. You need to replace it with something good. With truth. You need people speaking into your life; speaking life, and truth, until you have a new core belief - a positive one. This needs to relate directly to the one you're getting rid of - it might be the polar opposite.

This post, however, isn't so much a self-help for you folks reading it. This is Naming It for me.

I found two. I probably have more, but two, for now, is enough to be starting with.

I am unseen; unnoticed; unneeded. I am just a random body, and anyone else could have done what I did.

I am unloved, unwanted and uncared for. People think I am repulsive and don't want to talk to me, and definitely wouldn't touch me. Addendum: even if people do seem to care, love or want me, that's because they don't know me that well. If they knew all that I had done, they would be disgusted by and hate me.

It's going to take a lot to shake and replace these two. Thankfully, it's something that's already started to happen. God's been working on the latter a fair bit in the past while. But there's still a long way to go. But, with a little help, I think I'll get there, slowly :)

And no, I'm not going to be posting this on Facebook for everyone. There's being open, but there's also being somewhat...astute, I think is the word. There's a lot of negative potential here as well as positive, so I'm going to try and swing it a bit by sharing this more so with the people that I think will be reacting positively to this.