Pushing On.

I haven't been posting much - at all - over these last few months. And it hasn't been for lack of time - I've been having a fair few days free here and there - and neither has it been for lack of things to talk about; there's been rather a lot. Unfortunately, I've been really struggling with self-motivation this year in general - guess that's what happens when you move out! Does make it harder. The fact that I've got a decent helping of Nine in me probably doesn't help. (Enneagram reference. Yay!)

But yes, there's been rather a lot happening. Work has been all over the place; I finished up at Koorong, started doing a few other casual jobs - but then my car decided to pack it in. Or, rather, I had a crash. Thankfully, everyone was okay, though my car looks like it had a run-in with the Incredible Hulk. Getting to different jobs without a car has been markedly more difficult; even getting to church or the shops can be an issue. It just takes a lot more time out of my day. I don't mind walking - I actually rather like it - it just takes a lot of time. I've started to look around for other work that's either more easy to get to by public transport, or that I can just do online, but not too much luck yet.

To compound that, money is a bit of an issue at present - I thought I'd be okay with the jobs I've gotten, but the problem is that I haven't had a shift yet at one, and another is project-based; so it pays me half at the beginning, and half at the end. Wouldn't be a big deal, but our schedules seem to not line up well, which means that the end of the project seems to keep getting further away. Since I'm under 25, I have to pay the age excess on top of the normal excess to insurance, so it's a fair bit of money that's coming out of my pocket each week - and not nearly as much going in. So I'm trying to find a job quickly to even out the balance, without going back to jobs that I'm neither good at or passionate about, which is why I finished up at Koorong.

Just to make things a bit more interesting, God's given me a bit of a challenge. I talked about it a bit in this video. Essentially, at the end of this year, I'm taking a week away somewhere - I really don't know where - to re-focus and start with a bit of a clean slate. And then just asking God where he wants me, what he wants me to be doing and focussing on - because I've really stretched myself thin, and it shows in a lot of ways. So starting from scratch, finishing up with everything I'm doing, and going in to a new season. I have no idea what that will look like. But we'll see when we get there.

We do have to get there first, though. The end of the year is still four months away, including this one. And for me, I know that each day has been hard and challenging in different ways. Sometimes, because of loneliness; others because of worry, or fear; sometimes temptation; and sometimes, like I said before, dealing with my lack of self-motivation. It makes everything harder, really.

But I keep pushing on, because I know that God is with me, and helping me to get through. I don't really know how he's going to make everything work. And it's quite possible that not all of it will. I don't know. But I trust that he's going to get me through, one way or another. However long it takes.