The Black Swan.

At one point in time, Western society had only seen white swans. They had not seen black swans. As such, there was an assumption that all swans were white; and for one reason or another, the black swan became entangled with the idea of impossibility. Unicorns were more likely.

But, of course, then people went and found Australia, much to the despair of the hundreds of thousands of people who already called the place home.

And they found a lot of animals that they found rather ridiculous and absurd. Among them - the black swan. It's now the state emblem of Western Australia.

We see them a fair bit in NSW as well, though. Also, since when is it MA8 rather than M8? Anyway.

After they found black swans, the reference changed from being one of impossibility to one of improbability. It's also an interesting case of confirmation bias. You think there are only white swans, because that's all you've ever seen; and for each white swan you see, that theory is only strengthened. But you only need one black swan to show that it's baloney. It's a demonstration that, often, we don't have as good an idea of how things are as we think we do. That they have a habit of changing around on us.

Now, that's all a good story, but that's not why I'm writing it. That was all just context! Because I wanted to use this as an example of something for me that I struggle with.

Because for me, relationships have been a bit like a black swan. It's seemed improbable, impossible....like I'm standing in the middle of a Venn diagram that just doesn't like me.

Something like this....

NB: Circles not scaled. Purple circle would be rather smaller than the other two, though hopefully not non-existent....

My previous experience with relationships (in short: hasn't worked out/nothing happening) has left me feeling at times like I'll never be in one. That the hurdles are too big, that the mountain I have to climb is rather ridiculous for me or anyone else to get over. That I can't find the 'right' person, or I'm too introverted/shy/weird, or the things I've done wrong and what I struggle with is going to be too hard for someone to deal with. Or if that doesn't do the trick, that I'll just wreck it by bursting out of the gate at 100km/h. I blame it on not being able to actually be romantic with someone while dreaming about it for the last ten years or so.

Preach it, Sirius!

I can thank being a Four for that. But yeah.

The thing is, like the black swan instance, we have the problem of confirmation bias. If I have a belief that a relationship can't work out - then until one does, pretty much everything else bolsters that belief. Which isn't healthy.

Particularly when I know that there are black swans out there. I live in Australia, damn it, we have the black swans! But I know that a real relationship, a good one, is possible. I believe that. That's not just me hoping, it's a God thing. But I'll hold on to that bit for myself, for now. But I know that it's somewhere in my future. I don't know how. Certainly don't know why, knowing me like I do. Don't know when - in a week, month, year, ten years, more? But God knows.

That's rather hard. Trying to figure out how much of a hand he wants you to have in it - am I supposed to be actively seeking her out, or will God bring her to me? Do I already know her, or is this still all in the murky future? I don't know. But he does.

So I'm trusting; that some day, this old crow will see the black swan. But soon would be nice, God. That would be really nice....