On Lies.

During 2014, in the Life Group that I was in (for those not from that church - like a Bible study group, but you're doing life together, not just reading and praying [not to diminish the importance of reading and praying!]) did a series on identity. As part of that, we completed a bit of an exercise. We were given a piece of paper that had a brain on one side, and a heart on the other. I'll leave the heart for another post, because there will be enough to cover in this one.

On the brain side, we put all the ideas/thoughts that we believed about ourselves. Good, bad, anything. Even if we knew they weren't true, or weren't right - if we believed them somewhere, they went down. I had quite a few, and mostly negative. Not all, thankfully (mostly because of Impart, which was also that year), but quite a few. Each of the negative ones are listed below.

I am unseen, unnoticed, unneeded.
I am unloved, unwanted, uncared for.
I am alone.
I’m not really a man.
I am childish, and don’t understand.
My secrets make me unloveable.
I should be locked away, so I can’t hurt anyone by myself.
I am dirty.
I will never be free of my addictions and temptations; I will never be able to have a wife     and children without these affecting and scaring me.
No one would want to be in a relationship with me.
I will always hurt more than I help.
I am empty.
I am broken.
I only do things to be noticed and recognised.
What I say, what I write, what I make, doesn't matter.

These are lies. Plain and simple. Lies that I have believed, that have been whispered to me over the years, by the deceiver and accuser. Sometimes through people around me; sometimes through circumstances, and how I interpret them. And, in time, I came to believe them. Reinforced them.

Strangely enough, that rather hurt me, and hindered me. Stunted my growth. I wonder why? (Sarcasm, in case you can't tell.)

Three years on, and I'm doing much better than I used to, certainly pre-2014. And, looking at this list, there are some here that don't affect me nearly as much as they used to. But some certainly still claw at me. Some still linger, and I still feel their tug. If you haven't guessed, "No one would want to be in a relationship with me," shows up fairly often.

Slowly, I am working towards the truth, and affirming that in my life. But it takes time, practice, and patience. Another thing I still need to work on a bit more.

We all have lies that we believe. You will have a list just like this. It might be longer, it might be shorter. Chances are, if I thought about it again now, I might have a couple more to add to this one. It changes over time. But you can only fight the lies if you acknowledge their existence. You can't fight a war you don't realise you're in.

So wake up. Name your lies. Then work to shake them. Then work to replace them. With the truth. And that, my friends, is where the second post will come in. But first, for me, sleep.