Regrets....

I saw a post on LinkedIn the other day that got me thinking. The post (from memory) showed the results from asking a bunch of people on their deathbeds what they regretted in their life, and listed the top five. And it made me wonder - if I died today, or tomorrow, what regrets would I have looking back on my life? Not the why-did-I-do-that-stupid-thing regrets, though they can pop up now and then. More the, why-didn't-I-do-this-good-thing sort of regrets. The sort of things that I haven't done - but could still do. That could shape what I do in the future. And I think I've got a few that I can talk about.

First, a simple one. I would regret that I hadn't travelled much - seen much of the world, experienced different cultures, met different people. The internet is a great way to do bits of that, and to connect with people from anywhere and everywhere - but it's very different to being on the streets of another country.

I've travelled overseas twice so far in my life; once to Thailand, and the other time to India. Each was for a couple of weeks, and both were mission trips of a sort. Thailand was with school, back in 2008, and mostly around Chiang Mai (main city in north Thailand); India was in 2016 with a band that I was part of at the time, around New Delhi and Mumbai. So I guess another one will be due in 2024? The closest I've had to an overseas holiday was my honeymoon, which was Tasmania early this year (and was awesome! Tasmania is beautiful). But yeah, going overseas is difficult and expensive when you live in Australia. And then the pandemic happened 😅So yeah, overseas travel isn't happening any time soon. Maybe in another few months we might maybe get to see New Zealand? And that's about it. So, travel within Australia, then! And there's still plenty just in Australia that I haven't seen. There's still plenty just within New South Wales that I haven't seen. Australia is massive, folks. I mean, a big part of it is pretty much just empty desert - but even so, still big. I haven't gotten to the Northern Territory or South Australia at all yet, so that would be good at some point. Uluru! Need to see Uluru. Outside of Australia, though, I'd love to go to NZ, the UK (like, all of it, not just England), most of the Mediterranean too. Part of me would also love to do Everest, but it is crazy dangerous and crazy expensive. So...maybe just base camp? But it feels weird going that far and only going to base camp, too.

Another simple one would be not having deeper relationships with people. I have a lot of awesome, amazing people in my life. And I chat to them online now and then, or interact with them on social media. But it would be rather awesome to interact with them in real life a bit more, to spend more time with people. Again, that has some restrictions in the middle of a pandemic - but thankfully, there's much less of that here now than there used to be.

I think another regret would just be the amount of stuff that's still just in my head and not out anywhere else. Because if I die, then obviously it dies with me - we don't have brain hard drives yet. And even if we did, who on earth would sort through all of that? But yeah - there are just so many songs, stories, thoughts and ideas rumbling around in here that haven't had their time to shine yet. And it's hard knowing how to get them out there - for a start, I only have so much time and energy in the day, and most of the stuff in my head doesn't get me money to be able to pay bills or get food. It's also quite easy for stuff to just get lost on the internet, and not be heard amongst everything else that's out there. The internet is a content machine. And if I'm constantly pushing out stuff, it can feel like people just stop listening and caring after a while as well, because it's just too much. I guess it depends on the quality of what you're making, really, though.

But that's something I struggle with, when I think about it - just the idea of dying with so many things unsaid or unshared, when I feel like so much of what's in my head is meant for other people just as much (and sometimes more) than it is for me.

Perhaps my biggest one, though, would be not having lived life to the full. I feel like there's so much time for me that has just been wasted, doing next to nothing, or nothing important. And I know, "nothing's wasted", "everything teaches us something", "God uses it all later", and I believe all of that in one sense. But in another sense - there's been a lot of times when I know I could be doing something better with that time. And I'm not just talking a few minutes or hours here and there. Sometimes it feels like I've had weeks, or months, even years, when I'm just wandering around aimlessly and really not living. And that's hard.

I think part of the reason for that has been mental health, to be sure. It's difficult to "live life to the full" when things like depression, or anxiety, or whatever else, keep crippling you. But I think part of it is also just the way our world is set up at the moment. Work is an inevitable part of life - and we can argue about whether or not that's a good thing, but it is challenging when what you enjoy doing doesn't really line up with work that you can do. And sure, plenty of people don't enjoy their work, and they manage, you say - but I guess I have a higher bar than "getting by". And I think it's not unreasonable that people should be able to enjoy their work, considering how much of their time it takes up. But I won't rant about that here, because I rant about it all too often.

Those are the main ones that I can think of, off the top of my head. Maybe I'm missing a couple, I'm not sure. And I'm not sure how much this is going to change what I do going forward, or how much it can change things - much of this is hamstrung by pandemic and mental health and the like. But it's useful to at least recognise it, I think, and work through it.

But what about you? What would your regrets be - and how could you use that to change what you do going forward?