You may want to check out my last post before reading this one. Me and Thalia are now eight weeks in to our relationship - which is pretty crazy! There's rather a lot that we've been learning over that time about each other, ourselves, God, and love. Thought I'd try and share some of the more poignant ones....
You will start wanting to spend a lot more time with each other. Like, a lot. Pretty much all the time you have. "Free time"? What is this strange phrase? But yeah. After you get over that initial excitement - you're going to need to figure out a way to balance out the time you have with each other with the other commitments that you have. And sleep. That's important too. Do that.
For Christian couples - setting physical boundaries before you start playing around too much with physical touch is a very good idea. Being respectful to each other - and to God - should be important for each of you. So honour that.
All the hugs. All the hugs. Okay, maybe not all of you have the love language of physical touch, or aren't as huggy. You're just missing out. ;)
Be prepared to have most of your pre-conceived ideas changed fairly quickly. Then go back to them later, and figure out why they were important to you. Because there's probably a reason.
First times for most things are going to be at least a little bit awkward. And that's totally okay.
Mutual trust is built by honest sharing, of things that are difficult to share. By not having secrets from each other. And that takes time, and can be really challenging. But it's also incredibly rewarding.
"I love you" won't ever feel like enough.
Family matters. Where you can, build bridges, make connections, find common ground. But still be yourself.
Talk about the important things. But sometimes, it's okay to just be together silently for a time, enjoying that feeling of being together.
When you're out in public, people are going to notice that you're together. That's okay. People do that.
You're going to want to bring each other along to pretty much everything, but that won't always be appropriate. Figure out ways of doing that without feeling like you're letting each other down - because you're not. Sometimes circumstances are like that.
You won't ever be enough for each other in and of yourselves. And you can't solve all of each other's problems. But that doesn't mean you can't help. And you'll certainly want to!
Love is rather crazy sometimes. Okay, most of the time.
That's....probably enough for now. I'm sure there are many that I've missed, and many that I could add in a few weeks' time. But hopefully that is helpful, or interesting, or amusing, or all three. Until next time :)
Wednesday, 6 June 2018
Friday, 18 May 2018
Introducing...! and Giving Back.
Well. I haven't posted in quite a while, folks, so sorry about that! This cat's been ridiculously busy. Work have decided to put me on five days a week, I have one play that's a month away from performances, another I'm the assistant director for which is a month away from auditions, and two youth groups and a bible study I'm helping lead. Oh, and doing songs more regularly at the morning service now.
And....I may have someone to introduce to you all as well :) Her name is Thalia. We've been dating for....about five weeks now. Yeah, it's a little bit crazy! I'm still regularly wondering whether I'm dreaming or not. But I'm fairly certain that I couldn't have made her up. Or at least, that if I had, she would have been very different. I think. Anyway! She's rather awesome (but also rather crazy, because she likes me), and we're - well, a bit keen on each other. Probably putting it rather mildly. But you get the picture ;)
Quick points out of the way - we met at church, she asked me out (told you she was crazy), our first date was a movie, and we've both met each other's parents (and it went fairly well!). But that's not so much what I want to talk about. I mean, I do want to talk about her, don't get me wrong, I could probably talk your ear off about her - but I had something in particular that I've noticed recently that I wanted to comment on.
I feel like Thalia has given so much to me, just in herself, and of herself. And that's very much a constant thing, which makes me rather grateful for her. But more than that, it makes me want to do something to give back. So I get her tickets to an event, or I give her flowers, and I plan these ahead of time. I start thinking about the different things that I could do for her, to give back a little of what she continually gives to me. (I can't say too much about the things I'm thinking of, or she'll read this and it won't be a surprise!)
But then I thought - hang on. What God gives me, and has given me (and knowing Thalia, she would completely agree with me here) completely surpasses anything that Thalia gives me, or anything that she could give me. And yet, I don't have this same attitude of giving back that I do with Thalia. And I think a lot of us don't.
We may know what God has done - we may be reminded of it regularly at church - but how do we show our thankfulness, our gratitude towards him for that? Do we think of ways that we can please him, give back to him? Do we invest our time, invest our skill, into doing something for him? Or do we just sing the songs on Sunday, and that's about it?
This is something that has really challenged me, and I hope it challenges you as well. At the same time, though, not trying to earn God's love through what we do - because that's not how he works - but wanting to do things to make him happy. I think. It's a bit confusing still for me, I think! Need to spend some more time thinking on it. But hopefully people can get something out of that reflection.
And....I may have someone to introduce to you all as well :) Her name is Thalia. We've been dating for....about five weeks now. Yeah, it's a little bit crazy! I'm still regularly wondering whether I'm dreaming or not. But I'm fairly certain that I couldn't have made her up. Or at least, that if I had, she would have been very different. I think. Anyway! She's rather awesome (but also rather crazy, because she likes me), and we're - well, a bit keen on each other. Probably putting it rather mildly. But you get the picture ;)
Quick points out of the way - we met at church, she asked me out (told you she was crazy), our first date was a movie, and we've both met each other's parents (and it went fairly well!). But that's not so much what I want to talk about. I mean, I do want to talk about her, don't get me wrong, I could probably talk your ear off about her - but I had something in particular that I've noticed recently that I wanted to comment on.
I feel like Thalia has given so much to me, just in herself, and of herself. And that's very much a constant thing, which makes me rather grateful for her. But more than that, it makes me want to do something to give back. So I get her tickets to an event, or I give her flowers, and I plan these ahead of time. I start thinking about the different things that I could do for her, to give back a little of what she continually gives to me. (I can't say too much about the things I'm thinking of, or she'll read this and it won't be a surprise!)
But then I thought - hang on. What God gives me, and has given me (and knowing Thalia, she would completely agree with me here) completely surpasses anything that Thalia gives me, or anything that she could give me. And yet, I don't have this same attitude of giving back that I do with Thalia. And I think a lot of us don't.
We may know what God has done - we may be reminded of it regularly at church - but how do we show our thankfulness, our gratitude towards him for that? Do we think of ways that we can please him, give back to him? Do we invest our time, invest our skill, into doing something for him? Or do we just sing the songs on Sunday, and that's about it?
This is something that has really challenged me, and I hope it challenges you as well. At the same time, though, not trying to earn God's love through what we do - because that's not how he works - but wanting to do things to make him happy. I think. It's a bit confusing still for me, I think! Need to spend some more time thinking on it. But hopefully people can get something out of that reflection.
Monday, 2 April 2018
Ready, Player....Game On.
Today, I went to go and see the new movie Ready Player One with my family. I'd already read the book, and so had my brother - well, listened to the audiobook. A few times. I enjoyed it. It has copped a bit of flak recently, though, and understandably; it can read as somewhat of a "white boy's fantasy", to put it simply. Win the prize, get the girl. So I was interested to see how the movie would take all of it. Particularly knowing that there was just way too much in the book to squeeze into a movie. And if you have read the book - don't go in to the cinemas thinking that it's going to be the same, because it's not. Some very similar ideas, but there are a few key differences as well.
For those that aren't familiar with the story, I'll give a brief run-down of the setting here. I'll try not to be too spoilery as yet.
We're about thirty years in the future, and there's excessive overcrowding and an energy crisis to boot. Many places just plain aren't safe, though this isn't mentioned so much in the movie. Into this, we have a virtual reality world, called the Oasis. More popular than Facebook, with a bigger explorable universe than you've seen in any game - it has pretty much anything you can imagine. And if you can't find it, you can make it yourself. The best thing is, it's super-cheap to access. Items and such in the game aren't free, though - you can buy them with real-world or in-game currency. It's at the point where the vast majority of the world uses Oasis.
The creator of the Oasis, James Halliday, dies. And at his death, he sets up a quest of sorts - he says that he has hidden an easter egg somewhere in the Oasis. And that whoever finds it will inherit his shares in the company, and gain control of the Oasis. He gives people a few clues, and tells them that they'll need to find three keys to get the egg. And suddenly, the whole world is hunting for Halliday's egg. And because he was obsessed with 80s pop culture - so is everyone else. Just in case there's a clue somewhere, or in case it becomes important along the line. But nobody has found anything for years.
Stepping into this is our protagonist, Wade Watts, or Parzival, as he's called in-game. He's a kid who has basically nothing, but he has time - and so he puts all of it into the hunt. The story basically follows him as he tries to find the keys, and interacts with various people along the way.
If you've read the book, there are certainly references in the film that you'll appreciate; like the Cataclysm, or Mecha-Godzilla, or the sixers, or the quarter, and Aech, each of which is done quite well. But you'll also notice quite a few differences. Some of these are probably because of trying to shorten it down to a manageable length - others because of what the movie was able to get the rights to use. As such, the challenges associated with the three keys are different to what you have in the book, but what you have instead is still good. Warning - for those that get scared easily or don't like horror, you may not like bits of the second key. It's not too bad, but certainly more intense than the rest of the movie. Also, you have a bit more interaction with the real world - and Og doesn't show up quite as much, which I thought was a pity! He was one of my favourite characters. But when he's there he's done well. Also, they never actually explained the "Ready Player One"! For those who haven't read the book - those are supposed to be the first words you see when you go into the Oasis, reminiscent of old arcade games.
For those who haven't read the book - it's a quite well-done story, particularly for those that will appreciate the references back to pop culture that's a bit older. It's a little cheesy at times, and it moves at quite a fast pace - but the visuals are great, and the characters are enjoyable. It's not the best out there, but it's a good movie that I certainly enjoyed watching, and I'd happily recommend it.
For those that aren't familiar with the story, I'll give a brief run-down of the setting here. I'll try not to be too spoilery as yet.
We're about thirty years in the future, and there's excessive overcrowding and an energy crisis to boot. Many places just plain aren't safe, though this isn't mentioned so much in the movie. Into this, we have a virtual reality world, called the Oasis. More popular than Facebook, with a bigger explorable universe than you've seen in any game - it has pretty much anything you can imagine. And if you can't find it, you can make it yourself. The best thing is, it's super-cheap to access. Items and such in the game aren't free, though - you can buy them with real-world or in-game currency. It's at the point where the vast majority of the world uses Oasis.
The creator of the Oasis, James Halliday, dies. And at his death, he sets up a quest of sorts - he says that he has hidden an easter egg somewhere in the Oasis. And that whoever finds it will inherit his shares in the company, and gain control of the Oasis. He gives people a few clues, and tells them that they'll need to find three keys to get the egg. And suddenly, the whole world is hunting for Halliday's egg. And because he was obsessed with 80s pop culture - so is everyone else. Just in case there's a clue somewhere, or in case it becomes important along the line. But nobody has found anything for years.
Stepping into this is our protagonist, Wade Watts, or Parzival, as he's called in-game. He's a kid who has basically nothing, but he has time - and so he puts all of it into the hunt. The story basically follows him as he tries to find the keys, and interacts with various people along the way.
If you've read the book, there are certainly references in the film that you'll appreciate; like the Cataclysm, or Mecha-Godzilla, or the sixers, or the quarter, and Aech, each of which is done quite well. But you'll also notice quite a few differences. Some of these are probably because of trying to shorten it down to a manageable length - others because of what the movie was able to get the rights to use. As such, the challenges associated with the three keys are different to what you have in the book, but what you have instead is still good. Warning - for those that get scared easily or don't like horror, you may not like bits of the second key. It's not too bad, but certainly more intense than the rest of the movie. Also, you have a bit more interaction with the real world - and Og doesn't show up quite as much, which I thought was a pity! He was one of my favourite characters. But when he's there he's done well. Also, they never actually explained the "Ready Player One"! For those who haven't read the book - those are supposed to be the first words you see when you go into the Oasis, reminiscent of old arcade games.
For those who haven't read the book - it's a quite well-done story, particularly for those that will appreciate the references back to pop culture that's a bit older. It's a little cheesy at times, and it moves at quite a fast pace - but the visuals are great, and the characters are enjoyable. It's not the best out there, but it's a good movie that I certainly enjoyed watching, and I'd happily recommend it.
Monday, 19 March 2018
Jesus Is.
This week is mission week for something called the "Jesus is ." campaign. The basic idea is talking about who Jesus is - getting people to fill in the blank, seeing what they say. Maybe you think Jesus is fictional, or a fairytale, or only a myth or legend, or just a good person, like Gandhi or Mother Teresa or something.
For myself, though, I instantly realised that you could remove the blank, and it was already a complete sentence. Jesus is. And that works in two ways, as well!
Firstly, it works as a parallel of God's "I AM," which is the name that he gives to Moses, and is generally written as LORD in the Old Testament. In the Hebrew, that's the YHWH, tetragrammaton, or Yahweh, as you might know. Some people write it as JHVH and Jehovah instead. But the idea is that God exists, that Jesus exists, not because of anything else. We are here because of our parents, who are here because of their parents, etc etc. But the Father, Jesus, the Holy Spirit - God just is. Irrespective of what happens in the world, irrespective of what people believe or think; he doesn't require your belief in him to exist, or have power, or have form, or anything. God was around for - well, negative infinity, I guess, before anyone else or anything else was. It's pretty crazy stuff.
The other reason it works, though, is in contrast to how some people might put it. Some people might say, "Jesus was...." That Jesus was this or that, way back when, two thousand years ago. But that's the thing. And that's one of the most exciting things about Christianity, and about Jesus. That Jesus is alive. It's not Jesus was - it's Jesus is! Jesus has defeated death, and lives once more. And that's where there's rather a point of difference between Jesus and - well, anyone else. There aren't many that can claim to still be alive that lived a couple of thousand years ago on Earth...
But this is why we have hope. Because death has been defeated, and Jesus is alive. Jesus is still here. Not as a human person walking among us, but rather, his Spirit is with us. And because he has defeated death - death has no power over us either. That's pretty awesome. :)
Anyway. Thought I'd just reflect on that. Let me know what you'd put in the blank!
For myself, though, I instantly realised that you could remove the blank, and it was already a complete sentence. Jesus is. And that works in two ways, as well!
Firstly, it works as a parallel of God's "I AM," which is the name that he gives to Moses, and is generally written as LORD in the Old Testament. In the Hebrew, that's the YHWH, tetragrammaton, or Yahweh, as you might know. Some people write it as JHVH and Jehovah instead. But the idea is that God exists, that Jesus exists, not because of anything else. We are here because of our parents, who are here because of their parents, etc etc. But the Father, Jesus, the Holy Spirit - God just is. Irrespective of what happens in the world, irrespective of what people believe or think; he doesn't require your belief in him to exist, or have power, or have form, or anything. God was around for - well, negative infinity, I guess, before anyone else or anything else was. It's pretty crazy stuff.
The other reason it works, though, is in contrast to how some people might put it. Some people might say, "Jesus was...." That Jesus was this or that, way back when, two thousand years ago. But that's the thing. And that's one of the most exciting things about Christianity, and about Jesus. That Jesus is alive. It's not Jesus was - it's Jesus is! Jesus has defeated death, and lives once more. And that's where there's rather a point of difference between Jesus and - well, anyone else. There aren't many that can claim to still be alive that lived a couple of thousand years ago on Earth...
But this is why we have hope. Because death has been defeated, and Jesus is alive. Jesus is still here. Not as a human person walking among us, but rather, his Spirit is with us. And because he has defeated death - death has no power over us either. That's pretty awesome. :)
Anyway. Thought I'd just reflect on that. Let me know what you'd put in the blank!
Thursday, 8 March 2018
Strong Women.
Today is a rather significant day. It's International Women's Day. Or at least, it will be when this is posted. I'm writing it early, while I actually have a moment. It started back in the early 1900s, with a group of thousands of women marching in New York City urging for shorter hours, for better pay, and to get the vote. It wasn't until a couple of years later, though, that International Women's Day officially started. But I love this idea that it started on the ground - with strong women. Women making a stand.
Now, I very much realise that I am a guy, talking about IWD. Which seems a bit topsy-turvy. And that's fair enough! But I think it's important that us guys are part of the movement to speak out for women, and to support them and their rights. It shouldn't be solely their responsibility. Why? Because stronger women means a stronger humanity. And a more united humanity. We can be very divided, and divisive, as a species. But when we encourage and support each other - that makes all of us stronger, not just some of us. We all share in that. As such, I'd like to take the opportunity to talk about some of the strong women in my life.
I've had some exceptional female role models over the years, and I know many women that are strong in different ways. (I mean, I have one friend who's in the army - certainly much stronger and braver than me!) There are many different examples that I could give; but for now, I'm going to stick with one. My sister.
For those who don't know, I'm the eldest of four. It went boy-girl-boy-girl. I'm going to be talking about the one that came directly after me, rather than my youngest sister. (Though she's strong in her own way as well.) Firstly in her favour, my sister had to put up with me growing up. And my brother. Though we didn't know it at the time, we bot had Asperger's happening. Then our youngest sister had Down's Syndrome. My sister was the one that stepped up to the plate. People are often surprised when I say that I'm her older brother, because she acts more like an older sister, like she was the first-born. And for good reason! I was off with the fairies most of the time as a kid. I wasn't much of a leader - so she was instead. I wasn't competitive - she was. She was always striving to be the best that she could be, in whatever she pursued - whether it was horse riding, music, Tae Kwon Do (she happens to be a black belt), or at uni. And she really was the best.
My sister was always a doer. Very smart as well, and can talk to you about things just fine - but she's about action, more than talking about it. But that doesn't mean that she doesn't care. Probably the way that I've seen her love most has been in that for her husband - yes, she's now married! - they were together for something like eight years before being engaged. I think that's about right. Maybe nine. Somewhere around there. A long time. Seeing them get married was pretty awesome, just seeing the incredible love that they had for each other, and the excitement around the day. (She'd had some things planned for a while....)
And she's been through some hard times, and difficult things. Some of those I've seen, because we've gone through them together - but most, I haven't. But I see her pushing on, regardless. Maybe I gave her a bit of my stubbornness. Or maybe I got it from her! Who knows.
My sister is one of the strongest people that I know, and I still look up to her so much. Not that I want to be like her, because we're very different people. But I have an immense respect for her, and for what she's done in life, and where she is now. At the same time, though, I could've easily done a similar story for a number of other women in my life - my mum (who is easily the other strongest person I know), many of the women that I know from church, Bible college, family friends, and many others - people who have gone through so much, and done so much, and who are so much. And I don't really have good words for that. But thank you, all of you. You have helped me incredibly in my life, in so many ways that you can't even imagine.
I find it strange that there are places where women are considered less than men, in any sense. They'll often work harder, putting in more of their own time. They care more. They often put more time and energy into their families. They have to go through more insults, more rubbish, more - everything that they just shouldn't have to go through. That really shouldn't happen in today's world, but it still does. And they stand up for themselves, and are a voice of reason, often so much more. By any logic that I can come up with, that means that they should be worth...er....oh, that's it, more! Not less. That's just absurd. Let's change the dynamic. Let's #PressforProgress. Moving towards a world and a time where women are celebrated, and treated with the respect, love, care, and admiration that they deserve. And the pay, folks.
Now, I very much realise that I am a guy, talking about IWD. Which seems a bit topsy-turvy. And that's fair enough! But I think it's important that us guys are part of the movement to speak out for women, and to support them and their rights. It shouldn't be solely their responsibility. Why? Because stronger women means a stronger humanity. And a more united humanity. We can be very divided, and divisive, as a species. But when we encourage and support each other - that makes all of us stronger, not just some of us. We all share in that. As such, I'd like to take the opportunity to talk about some of the strong women in my life.
I've had some exceptional female role models over the years, and I know many women that are strong in different ways. (I mean, I have one friend who's in the army - certainly much stronger and braver than me!) There are many different examples that I could give; but for now, I'm going to stick with one. My sister.
For those who don't know, I'm the eldest of four. It went boy-girl-boy-girl. I'm going to be talking about the one that came directly after me, rather than my youngest sister. (Though she's strong in her own way as well.) Firstly in her favour, my sister had to put up with me growing up. And my brother. Though we didn't know it at the time, we bot had Asperger's happening. Then our youngest sister had Down's Syndrome. My sister was the one that stepped up to the plate. People are often surprised when I say that I'm her older brother, because she acts more like an older sister, like she was the first-born. And for good reason! I was off with the fairies most of the time as a kid. I wasn't much of a leader - so she was instead. I wasn't competitive - she was. She was always striving to be the best that she could be, in whatever she pursued - whether it was horse riding, music, Tae Kwon Do (she happens to be a black belt), or at uni. And she really was the best.
My sister was always a doer. Very smart as well, and can talk to you about things just fine - but she's about action, more than talking about it. But that doesn't mean that she doesn't care. Probably the way that I've seen her love most has been in that for her husband - yes, she's now married! - they were together for something like eight years before being engaged. I think that's about right. Maybe nine. Somewhere around there. A long time. Seeing them get married was pretty awesome, just seeing the incredible love that they had for each other, and the excitement around the day. (She'd had some things planned for a while....)
And she's been through some hard times, and difficult things. Some of those I've seen, because we've gone through them together - but most, I haven't. But I see her pushing on, regardless. Maybe I gave her a bit of my stubbornness. Or maybe I got it from her! Who knows.
My sister is one of the strongest people that I know, and I still look up to her so much. Not that I want to be like her, because we're very different people. But I have an immense respect for her, and for what she's done in life, and where she is now. At the same time, though, I could've easily done a similar story for a number of other women in my life - my mum (who is easily the other strongest person I know), many of the women that I know from church, Bible college, family friends, and many others - people who have gone through so much, and done so much, and who are so much. And I don't really have good words for that. But thank you, all of you. You have helped me incredibly in my life, in so many ways that you can't even imagine.
I find it strange that there are places where women are considered less than men, in any sense. They'll often work harder, putting in more of their own time. They care more. They often put more time and energy into their families. They have to go through more insults, more rubbish, more - everything that they just shouldn't have to go through. That really shouldn't happen in today's world, but it still does. And they stand up for themselves, and are a voice of reason, often so much more. By any logic that I can come up with, that means that they should be worth...er....oh, that's it, more! Not less. That's just absurd. Let's change the dynamic. Let's #PressforProgress. Moving towards a world and a time where women are celebrated, and treated with the respect, love, care, and admiration that they deserve. And the pay, folks.
Sunday, 4 March 2018
On Expectations.
Apologies if this is....ramblier than usual. I'm not doing great.
I realised an interesting thing the other day, in talking to myself. So thought I'd share that on here.
Generally speaking, whenever you see me, I'm not actually doing as well as you'll think/as I appear. If you think that I'm doing about an 8 out of 10, it's probably a 6. A 5 will be more like a 3. Just take away two and you'll be about right.
And that's because of a couple of things. Firstly, I tend to just perk up around people in general, because I enjoy being around people. Unless I don't have the energy to. That's when I'm really not doing well. (Today is one of those days.) But typically, even if I'm not doing that great in general, if I'm catching up with people - I'll feel a lot better. Because I really enjoy that time. So people generally think I'm doing quite well, when I might be struggling when I get home, or when I'm alone.
But the other reason links back more to when I was growing up.
From when I was quite young, I was the smart kid. I was reading and writing really early (reading before I went to school - thanks mum!), and I just picked up things really quickly. That continued throughout primary school, where I skipped a year (year 2, because I did all of it in year 1), and went into Opportunity Class; and then went to a private high school with a scholarship, where I did most of the sciences, plus history. And I was pretty good at maths as well (they wanted me to do Extension 1, and then 2 - I ended up just doing Advanced).
It was towards the latter end of high school that I started being the creative kid as well. I started writing music, and I had been writing stories for a while. I got more involved with drama, and acting - and that all really took off after school, with me doing a Bachelor of Music at uni, being involved with plays and musicals at Campbelltown Theatre, writing a book, making a language, writing so many songs (running count is over 250, probably closer to 270 or even 300).
Then I started doing things with Bible college, and preaching here and there, from which I drew on a background that I'd already had in public speaking. And I got fairly good at that as well, and started doing that a bit here and there.
The expectations of me have always been high. Super high. I can't remember a time when people weren't going, "Oh, I can't imagine what you're going to do with your life, it's going to be amazing!" Where people weren't pretty much expecting me to be the smartest person in the room, to know the answer before everyone else, to always be able to figure out the problem. That's a lot of expectation to live up to. And while I'm not saying that I'm terrible at everything - because I'm not, and I've been given many gifts - I often feel like I haven't lived up to people's expectations. Like I fall short just a little bit, in pretty much everything. Which is still somehow better than most people, but also somehow not as good as I could be.....
I'm human, folks. Might not seem like it sometimes, but I am. I make mistakes. Many of them. I can't do everything (though that may seem true at times). But I don't like to fall short of those expectations. I don't want to disappoint people - and I don't want to feel like everyone else (as much as I am). And so I tend to act like I'm doing a bit better than I am. Like I have more of an idea of what I'm doing than I do. Like I'm more sure of myself than I ever really have been.
Every now and then, someone manages to catch me on it, though not very often. Most of the time - people see what they want to see, what they expect to see. They don't really realise what I go through, or what I'm struggling with, pretty much every day. (Aside from you, of course, dear readers! For which I am very thankful.)
Most days, as my more regular readers will probably know, I struggle with loneliness, with emptiness, with self-confidence, with tiredness, with motivation, with feeling depressed, with temptation. Not all of them, each day; but most of them, most days. Probably a couple more into the bargain that I've forgotten.
I'm trying to understand it all better, so that I can move past it. Trying to feel more "okay" about being normal. Which feels weird. But there you go.
I think I connected relationships into all of this somehow as well when I was thinking about it before, but I really don't know how. Springboarding off things I struggle with? Maybe. Anyway. I talk about that often enough. That's enough to ramble about for now.
God is helping. He's good at that. But it's still quite hard. It's nice to know that people out there are supporting me, or even listening. So thank you. :)
I realised an interesting thing the other day, in talking to myself. So thought I'd share that on here.
Generally speaking, whenever you see me, I'm not actually doing as well as you'll think/as I appear. If you think that I'm doing about an 8 out of 10, it's probably a 6. A 5 will be more like a 3. Just take away two and you'll be about right.
And that's because of a couple of things. Firstly, I tend to just perk up around people in general, because I enjoy being around people. Unless I don't have the energy to. That's when I'm really not doing well. (Today is one of those days.) But typically, even if I'm not doing that great in general, if I'm catching up with people - I'll feel a lot better. Because I really enjoy that time. So people generally think I'm doing quite well, when I might be struggling when I get home, or when I'm alone.
But the other reason links back more to when I was growing up.
From when I was quite young, I was the smart kid. I was reading and writing really early (reading before I went to school - thanks mum!), and I just picked up things really quickly. That continued throughout primary school, where I skipped a year (year 2, because I did all of it in year 1), and went into Opportunity Class; and then went to a private high school with a scholarship, where I did most of the sciences, plus history. And I was pretty good at maths as well (they wanted me to do Extension 1, and then 2 - I ended up just doing Advanced).
It was towards the latter end of high school that I started being the creative kid as well. I started writing music, and I had been writing stories for a while. I got more involved with drama, and acting - and that all really took off after school, with me doing a Bachelor of Music at uni, being involved with plays and musicals at Campbelltown Theatre, writing a book, making a language, writing so many songs (running count is over 250, probably closer to 270 or even 300).
Then I started doing things with Bible college, and preaching here and there, from which I drew on a background that I'd already had in public speaking. And I got fairly good at that as well, and started doing that a bit here and there.
The expectations of me have always been high. Super high. I can't remember a time when people weren't going, "Oh, I can't imagine what you're going to do with your life, it's going to be amazing!" Where people weren't pretty much expecting me to be the smartest person in the room, to know the answer before everyone else, to always be able to figure out the problem. That's a lot of expectation to live up to. And while I'm not saying that I'm terrible at everything - because I'm not, and I've been given many gifts - I often feel like I haven't lived up to people's expectations. Like I fall short just a little bit, in pretty much everything. Which is still somehow better than most people, but also somehow not as good as I could be.....
I'm human, folks. Might not seem like it sometimes, but I am. I make mistakes. Many of them. I can't do everything (though that may seem true at times). But I don't like to fall short of those expectations. I don't want to disappoint people - and I don't want to feel like everyone else (as much as I am). And so I tend to act like I'm doing a bit better than I am. Like I have more of an idea of what I'm doing than I do. Like I'm more sure of myself than I ever really have been.
Every now and then, someone manages to catch me on it, though not very often. Most of the time - people see what they want to see, what they expect to see. They don't really realise what I go through, or what I'm struggling with, pretty much every day. (Aside from you, of course, dear readers! For which I am very thankful.)
Most days, as my more regular readers will probably know, I struggle with loneliness, with emptiness, with self-confidence, with tiredness, with motivation, with feeling depressed, with temptation. Not all of them, each day; but most of them, most days. Probably a couple more into the bargain that I've forgotten.
I'm trying to understand it all better, so that I can move past it. Trying to feel more "okay" about being normal. Which feels weird. But there you go.
I think I connected relationships into all of this somehow as well when I was thinking about it before, but I really don't know how. Springboarding off things I struggle with? Maybe. Anyway. I talk about that often enough. That's enough to ramble about for now.
God is helping. He's good at that. But it's still quite hard. It's nice to know that people out there are supporting me, or even listening. So thank you. :)
Sunday, 25 February 2018
On Trying To Fly With Lead Feet
Goodness, two posts in two days, this is a bit radical.
Being in a spring season (as I am), you tend to think a lot more about dreams. About all the things that you want to do, new things to try and start - it gets rather exciting. Because, you know, I don't have enough happening at the moment.....
Let me give you an idea of what I'm working on already.
I've got an album that I'm working on the recording for. Slowly getting a band together, but still looking for someone on cello and someone on sax (in case you know anyone). Doing the practice tracks in the little time that I have.
I've got Septimus, the board game that I made, that I'm working on improving. Looking at changing the system quite a bit, while keeping the key ideas of seven factions, and the encounters in a maze-type thing.
Then I also came up with a new idea for a game that I'm calling Squared, which I'm also working on.
Then I'm trying to do bits and pieces on my language, Aiyæthron, when I can.
Then I've got a play I'm involved in, with rehearsals about to start once a week.
Another play that I'm doing sound/lights for, which I need to start working on.
And a third play happening later in the year that I'm Assistant Director for.
Then I've got Youth Group with the Campbelltown Theatre on Thursday afternoons, and with church on Friday evenings.
And finally, I'm running a tabletop gaming night every week.
Oh, and work. XD
Needless to say, I have a lot on my plate. But my dreams - they're much bigger.
There's the musical that I've written with Mozart, The Narrator's Mad-Em, that I want to get out there. I think it has incredible potential - I want to see it opening one day at the Capitol Theatre, or the Opera House - heck, going overseas. Schools doing it as well.
I've got the book, Son, Brother, Bride, that I want to see helping men to understand themselves better - and helping to solve some of the massive struggles that men today face.
I want to start a creative space, where creative people can connect, inspire each other, and express themselves. Where there is freedom to collaborate, grow, and learn. To see that sprout up in other places as well, and grow well beyond me.
I want to build a community around the ideas of Crux - life, love, light, and truth - and see what flows from that. A community that wants to explore the ideas of identity more deeply, understand who they are, who others are, and who God is.
I want to start a songwriting ministry in a church - to the point where most of the songs that we sing have been written by those in the congregation. Not to be insular or exclusive about it - but rather recognising that the songs that we write are written out of what we are experiencing here and now, and therefore will be that much easier to connect to by those who are in the same here and now.
And I want to share my music with more people. I don't want to go travelling around the world with it or anything, getting to the stage where I'm doing shows day after day, or doing shows with thousands of people - but, say, regularly sitting down with a hundred or so people and sharing my songs, sharing my story.
Oh, and I want a family, of course. Wife and kids, that sort of thing. But that's a different sort of dream, that I've already waxed lyrical enough about before.
The difficulty is bi-fold. Firstly, if I even wanted to make one of these happen - the amount of time and effort required to get it happening would be more than I have to spare. I would probably need to finish up at one or both of my jobs to make it happen - and if I saw any return on the project (which is a massive if), it would take quite a while. And secondly - I couldn't do just one. That's not me, not how I work. I can't do just one thing. I need to be doing lots of different things at once. Which means, of course, that I can't really give anything the attention it needs to get to the stage I'm talking about above. At least, not while I have work.
And there's the rub. Because the cost of living these days, as I'm sure you're aware, is not fun. Many people find it difficult to get by. I'm quite fortunate in the work that I have - but even with what I have, I worry about finances. That worry would be rather exacerbated if, instead of having two regular jobs, I was trying to pick up bits and pieces from various creative endeavours. (Which, by the way, have insofar, throughout my life, earned me about as much as a few hours of work, maybe.) That's my struggle. It's also, by the way, why I'm rather keen on the idea of a UBI. (You can read my post about it here.) It would mean that I could actually do some of this - rather than having to choose between that and my job.
I've always been a big dreamer. But the world isn't very good at letting dreams happen. It's rather a heavy world that we live in, unfortunately. Flying is next to impossible. But maybe, one day....
Being in a spring season (as I am), you tend to think a lot more about dreams. About all the things that you want to do, new things to try and start - it gets rather exciting. Because, you know, I don't have enough happening at the moment.....
Let me give you an idea of what I'm working on already.
I've got an album that I'm working on the recording for. Slowly getting a band together, but still looking for someone on cello and someone on sax (in case you know anyone). Doing the practice tracks in the little time that I have.
I've got Septimus, the board game that I made, that I'm working on improving. Looking at changing the system quite a bit, while keeping the key ideas of seven factions, and the encounters in a maze-type thing.
Then I also came up with a new idea for a game that I'm calling Squared, which I'm also working on.
Then I'm trying to do bits and pieces on my language, Aiyæthron, when I can.
Then I've got a play I'm involved in, with rehearsals about to start once a week.
Another play that I'm doing sound/lights for, which I need to start working on.
And a third play happening later in the year that I'm Assistant Director for.
Then I've got Youth Group with the Campbelltown Theatre on Thursday afternoons, and with church on Friday evenings.
And finally, I'm running a tabletop gaming night every week.
Oh, and work. XD
Needless to say, I have a lot on my plate. But my dreams - they're much bigger.
There's the musical that I've written with Mozart, The Narrator's Mad-Em, that I want to get out there. I think it has incredible potential - I want to see it opening one day at the Capitol Theatre, or the Opera House - heck, going overseas. Schools doing it as well.
I've got the book, Son, Brother, Bride, that I want to see helping men to understand themselves better - and helping to solve some of the massive struggles that men today face.
I want to start a creative space, where creative people can connect, inspire each other, and express themselves. Where there is freedom to collaborate, grow, and learn. To see that sprout up in other places as well, and grow well beyond me.
I want to build a community around the ideas of Crux - life, love, light, and truth - and see what flows from that. A community that wants to explore the ideas of identity more deeply, understand who they are, who others are, and who God is.
I want to start a songwriting ministry in a church - to the point where most of the songs that we sing have been written by those in the congregation. Not to be insular or exclusive about it - but rather recognising that the songs that we write are written out of what we are experiencing here and now, and therefore will be that much easier to connect to by those who are in the same here and now.
And I want to share my music with more people. I don't want to go travelling around the world with it or anything, getting to the stage where I'm doing shows day after day, or doing shows with thousands of people - but, say, regularly sitting down with a hundred or so people and sharing my songs, sharing my story.
Oh, and I want a family, of course. Wife and kids, that sort of thing. But that's a different sort of dream, that I've already waxed lyrical enough about before.
The difficulty is bi-fold. Firstly, if I even wanted to make one of these happen - the amount of time and effort required to get it happening would be more than I have to spare. I would probably need to finish up at one or both of my jobs to make it happen - and if I saw any return on the project (which is a massive if), it would take quite a while. And secondly - I couldn't do just one. That's not me, not how I work. I can't do just one thing. I need to be doing lots of different things at once. Which means, of course, that I can't really give anything the attention it needs to get to the stage I'm talking about above. At least, not while I have work.
And there's the rub. Because the cost of living these days, as I'm sure you're aware, is not fun. Many people find it difficult to get by. I'm quite fortunate in the work that I have - but even with what I have, I worry about finances. That worry would be rather exacerbated if, instead of having two regular jobs, I was trying to pick up bits and pieces from various creative endeavours. (Which, by the way, have insofar, throughout my life, earned me about as much as a few hours of work, maybe.) That's my struggle. It's also, by the way, why I'm rather keen on the idea of a UBI. (You can read my post about it here.) It would mean that I could actually do some of this - rather than having to choose between that and my job.
I've always been a big dreamer. But the world isn't very good at letting dreams happen. It's rather a heavy world that we live in, unfortunately. Flying is next to impossible. But maybe, one day....
Friday, 23 February 2018
The Slow Reveal Of Masculinity.
This is probably going to be a longer one. Just letting you folks know. I've wanted to write it for a while - finally getting around to it!
There's been a phrase gathering a bit of traction these days, which is 'toxic masculinity'. Some people hate this phrase, some people love it, some people don't understand it. I love it, because it means that people are starting to get the picture of what masculinity actually is. For those who haven't seen it or who don't get it, let me try and explain. It might be by a somewhat circuitous route.
masculinity and femininity (it looks strange, but that's the right number of Ns) are often thought of as opposites that are slowly getting closer. You get the picture of the yin and yang, or the spectrum of gender where male and female are at opposing ends. There's a bit of overlap, and it's starting to overlap more, but it's not much. Traditionally, male and female are mostly separate.
But this isn't the case at all. Instead, it's better to think of masculine and feminine as two mostly overlapping circles, that just have different centres. And unfortunately, our cultures have traditionally emphasised their extremes - the Rambo and the Barbie - when that's really not what masculine and feminine look like at all. (Thanks to Peter, one of the talkers on Impart, for that nugget of wisdom.)
In fact, this is where we get into that toxic masculinity. Because that's a big part of what it looks like. It's male behaviours that are toxic. And the problem is, these have often been encouraged or championed by Hollywood. To get an awesome understanding of this, I very heartily suggest The Pop Culture Detective Agency. He looks at this quite often, and in a really clever way, that's also quite in-depth. He also gives some great examples of what the opposite is. So I'm not going to go too much into examples of what toxic masculinity is, because he does that really well. But you don't have to have much imagination to find easy examples; like Weinstein, Trump, or our own Don Burke. They're the more extreme examples, though, and it's not always that obvious. For instance, PCDA lists many of Harrison Ford's characters (before you rage, have a look at the video for yourself); and James Bond is another common one mentioned.
Moving on, though - earlier, I said that I loved this. I do not mean that I love toxic masculinity! But I love that people are starting to call it out, and describe this. Because it means that people are starting to recognise that masculinity is bigger than just Rambo. That masculine doesn't have to mean macho.
For me, this is something that's so important. When I was younger, I had an extreme disassociation with traditional masculinity. Not all of a sudden, there wasn't anything that triggered it - just in who I was. As I've mentioned before, I'm not a particularly "guy"ey guy. And I very much knew that, growing up. I wasn't physically strong, and I certainly wasn't violent. I didn't get into fights, and I didn't want to. I didn't really get angry. I didn't want meat, meat, and more meat. I didn't like sports. I didn't like fast cars, or cars in general. And I didn't brag about girls. Admittedly, I had no girls to brag about, but still. I wouldn't have anyway.
Yet these felt like mandatory things to "be a man". That, because I preferred the library to the sports field, I was somehow less of a man. Or maybe even not a man! It didn't help that some of the things that I enjoyed or did were often seen as "feminine". Like music, or drama, or poetry, or skipping (not the rope kind). I didn't really mind, because to me that was better than being seen as like what a "man" seemed to be.
But now - that's no longer the case. Now, more and more, we're coming to understand that masculinity can look like many different things. Yes, it could be the strong man, or the sporty man; but it could also be the smart man, or the musical man, or the sensitive man, or the romantic man, or a million other things. And it's the same with femininity! There's just a bit of a spotlight on masculinity at the moment, because we tend to make bigger asses of ourselves, regardless of what type of men we are. I'd say it's a special talent, but I don't think it's particularly special....
Changing tacks for a moment to a related, but perhaps more controversial issue. At some points, I've sat down and reflected that if I had been born to a different family, brought up differently, I might well have decided to be a woman, because of some of what I've said above. That's the degree of separation I felt from the traditional masculinity. I sometimes wonder if that's what has happened with some other people - and if we were a bit better at letting people know it was okay for them to be a man or a woman in the way that they wanted that to look like, maybe people wouldn't feel the need to change. Not trying to say it's a bad thing! I think many have found it really helpful and freeing, and that's awesome. (Though not for me.) But I think we have made it hard for people.
However, I'm glad that that's not what I ended up doing. Not because I think being a woman would be bad, or anything! But because now I have an opportunity - to help define what masculinity should look like. And I think that's pretty cool. It's a big responsibility - but thankfully, it's not just up to me! :)
There's been a phrase gathering a bit of traction these days, which is 'toxic masculinity'. Some people hate this phrase, some people love it, some people don't understand it. I love it, because it means that people are starting to get the picture of what masculinity actually is. For those who haven't seen it or who don't get it, let me try and explain. It might be by a somewhat circuitous route.
masculinity and femininity (it looks strange, but that's the right number of Ns) are often thought of as opposites that are slowly getting closer. You get the picture of the yin and yang, or the spectrum of gender where male and female are at opposing ends. There's a bit of overlap, and it's starting to overlap more, but it's not much. Traditionally, male and female are mostly separate.
But this isn't the case at all. Instead, it's better to think of masculine and feminine as two mostly overlapping circles, that just have different centres. And unfortunately, our cultures have traditionally emphasised their extremes - the Rambo and the Barbie - when that's really not what masculine and feminine look like at all. (Thanks to Peter, one of the talkers on Impart, for that nugget of wisdom.)
In fact, this is where we get into that toxic masculinity. Because that's a big part of what it looks like. It's male behaviours that are toxic. And the problem is, these have often been encouraged or championed by Hollywood. To get an awesome understanding of this, I very heartily suggest The Pop Culture Detective Agency. He looks at this quite often, and in a really clever way, that's also quite in-depth. He also gives some great examples of what the opposite is. So I'm not going to go too much into examples of what toxic masculinity is, because he does that really well. But you don't have to have much imagination to find easy examples; like Weinstein, Trump, or our own Don Burke. They're the more extreme examples, though, and it's not always that obvious. For instance, PCDA lists many of Harrison Ford's characters (before you rage, have a look at the video for yourself); and James Bond is another common one mentioned.
Moving on, though - earlier, I said that I loved this. I do not mean that I love toxic masculinity! But I love that people are starting to call it out, and describe this. Because it means that people are starting to recognise that masculinity is bigger than just Rambo. That masculine doesn't have to mean macho.
For me, this is something that's so important. When I was younger, I had an extreme disassociation with traditional masculinity. Not all of a sudden, there wasn't anything that triggered it - just in who I was. As I've mentioned before, I'm not a particularly "guy"ey guy. And I very much knew that, growing up. I wasn't physically strong, and I certainly wasn't violent. I didn't get into fights, and I didn't want to. I didn't really get angry. I didn't want meat, meat, and more meat. I didn't like sports. I didn't like fast cars, or cars in general. And I didn't brag about girls. Admittedly, I had no girls to brag about, but still. I wouldn't have anyway.
Yet these felt like mandatory things to "be a man". That, because I preferred the library to the sports field, I was somehow less of a man. Or maybe even not a man! It didn't help that some of the things that I enjoyed or did were often seen as "feminine". Like music, or drama, or poetry, or skipping (not the rope kind). I didn't really mind, because to me that was better than being seen as like what a "man" seemed to be.
But now - that's no longer the case. Now, more and more, we're coming to understand that masculinity can look like many different things. Yes, it could be the strong man, or the sporty man; but it could also be the smart man, or the musical man, or the sensitive man, or the romantic man, or a million other things. And it's the same with femininity! There's just a bit of a spotlight on masculinity at the moment, because we tend to make bigger asses of ourselves, regardless of what type of men we are. I'd say it's a special talent, but I don't think it's particularly special....
Changing tacks for a moment to a related, but perhaps more controversial issue. At some points, I've sat down and reflected that if I had been born to a different family, brought up differently, I might well have decided to be a woman, because of some of what I've said above. That's the degree of separation I felt from the traditional masculinity. I sometimes wonder if that's what has happened with some other people - and if we were a bit better at letting people know it was okay for them to be a man or a woman in the way that they wanted that to look like, maybe people wouldn't feel the need to change. Not trying to say it's a bad thing! I think many have found it really helpful and freeing, and that's awesome. (Though not for me.) But I think we have made it hard for people.
However, I'm glad that that's not what I ended up doing. Not because I think being a woman would be bad, or anything! But because now I have an opportunity - to help define what masculinity should look like. And I think that's pretty cool. It's a big responsibility - but thankfully, it's not just up to me! :)
Sunday, 18 February 2018
On Watching Pots.
You're probably familiar with the expression, "a watched pot never boils." Well, I may be a professional pot watcher....admittedly, I tend to use the kettle when I actually want to boil water. But, of course, it's a metaphor for a reason.
There have been a fair few times in life now where I get to a particular goal along the way, and kinda sit back and relax. Nothing I can do about it now! Not up to me! I've done all I can do!.....but that's really not the case, of course. And it's not in the sense of passing the blame, or offloading chores and the like - though I'm sure I've done that now and then.
No, it's actually in regards to relationships. (It's me. Of course it's going to be that.) I feel like with every time - whether it's in telling someone how I feel, or meeting/catching up with them for the first time (with online dating and such) - once I do that, I almost palm it off to them. Okay, what now? I leave it up to them. As if people should know that sort of thing this early on, or have reached some sort of conclusion this quickly; because that makes sense....
And I just watch and wait. And hope. And then get all surprised when it doesn't work out again....
I think I need to get better at giving pots some space and time - but also being better at not needing an answer right now. Not having to ask where they're at so early, or where to from here, or however I want to put it. I don't know.
Still figuring all this out feels weird. I get that I didn't have much say in that - yay, Asperger's! - but it's annoying being so behind. Feel like I've got enough stacked against me without that as well.
Ah, well. We're getting there. Slowly.
There have been a fair few times in life now where I get to a particular goal along the way, and kinda sit back and relax. Nothing I can do about it now! Not up to me! I've done all I can do!.....but that's really not the case, of course. And it's not in the sense of passing the blame, or offloading chores and the like - though I'm sure I've done that now and then.
No, it's actually in regards to relationships. (It's me. Of course it's going to be that.) I feel like with every time - whether it's in telling someone how I feel, or meeting/catching up with them for the first time (with online dating and such) - once I do that, I almost palm it off to them. Okay, what now? I leave it up to them. As if people should know that sort of thing this early on, or have reached some sort of conclusion this quickly; because that makes sense....
And I just watch and wait. And hope. And then get all surprised when it doesn't work out again....
I think I need to get better at giving pots some space and time - but also being better at not needing an answer right now. Not having to ask where they're at so early, or where to from here, or however I want to put it. I don't know.
Still figuring all this out feels weird. I get that I didn't have much say in that - yay, Asperger's! - but it's annoying being so behind. Feel like I've got enough stacked against me without that as well.
Ah, well. We're getting there. Slowly.
Wednesday, 31 January 2018
Aiming High.
A while ago, I was at a workshop on preaching. I can't remember what the context of this was, but I remember the guy writing up a few things - three or four - on the board. Each one an adjective and noun. One of the first he had there was "Irresistible Husband", or something like that, and we all laughed. But he said, "Hey, I only have to be irresistible to one person!"
I liked the idea of having these clear things that described you, shaped you, that you aimed towards - so with anything that you were doing, you could ask, "Is this helping me become more like this?" And if not, maybe asking why you're doing that.
I cam up with five pretty much right off the bat. I added a sixth, because I might not always feel comfortable sharing the fifth. Then I added a seventh, because I realised that though God was kinda in all of them, he wasn't specifically represented. And I thought was pretty darn important.
This is the list that I came up with.
I want to go into those a bit, unpack them. So sit down with me for a moment! This might take some time.
The first one there isn't just about being a son. It's about family. Whether that be being a son, a brother - and hopefully, one day, a husband and a father - all of that. But there wasn't really a word for that, so I just put in son, for now. And for me, present was the most important descriptor to have there. Because I think so many problems stem from people just not being there. Not all problems - but a lot of them. And so one of the things I really wanted to be was more present for my family, and in my family. That's still something that I want to do.
After family comes friends, of course! But what sort of friend do you want to be? A helpful friend? A kind friend? A generous friend? Certainly - but I think I found many of those, and more, summed up in the word caring. I want to be caring towards my friends. I want to be there for them, helping them when they're down, listening to them when they need an ear - I want them to know that they matter to me. That they matter a lot. So caring friend is the second one.
Then we get more into what I do - so creating! Obviously. And for me, the word that worked was dreaming. I don't want to be a creator that only works within the possible, or the realistic. Within what will probably work, or what's doable. I want to dream big, shoot for the stars. And probably miss most of the time - but hey, it's better than just shooting at the wall and getting bored because it's so easy to hit it every time.
I'm also an avid thinker. And quite a deep thinker. But that wasn't quite the right word for me, because it didn't really have a purpose. It's what it looks like, yes, but it doesn't answer the why. After a bit, I realised that it was discerning. Figuring out what is true, what is right, what is best. That's what I try to achieve through my thinking. Sifting through things to find the gold.
I couldn't go through this without putting this in - after all, I'm a Four! So, yes, lover, despite not having many opportunities to demonstrate that. When thinking on what sort of lover I would want to be (a question I rather enjoyed considering), I couldn't go past the word devoted. I want to be the sort of person that keeps coming back to someone, again and again, no matter what's happening. That keeps aiming to do best by them, and working to make their life amazing. But I'll stop waxing lyrical and move on.
When I tried to think of another one - I thought that I want to influence people. But not in the sense that I want to be a big name, or something like that. I don't want to be an Elon Musk, or a Steve Jobs. But I want to make an impact on the lives of people around me. And the kind of impact that I want to have? I want it to be lasting. I don't want it to be something that's just here and gone. I want to be impacting people in ways that makes a real difference, that lasts, that sticks, that passes on to other people. That old idea of each person you influence then influencing other people, etc etc.
And lastly, I want to be a follower of God. But not just any old follower. I want to be a courageous follower. This one is very much inspired by the movie by the same name. If you haven't seen it, do yourself a favour. It's one of the better Christian movies out there, that isn't actually cheesy. But I want to be someone who follows God even when it's hard, even when it doesn't make sense, even when the world is against me. Even if it becomes illegal. Hopefully that doesn't happen - but I want to be someone who does stand in God's truth. (NB: For those that feel a little bit of bile right now, I'm not talking about hitting people in the face with God's truth, or cutting them down with it. That sword is meant to be used against the forces of darkness, not people.)
This is who I want to be. This is what I aim for. This is how I try and frame what I do, how I live my life. I hope you find this interesting - and perhaps helpful in thinking about the way that you live your own life as well.
I liked the idea of having these clear things that described you, shaped you, that you aimed towards - so with anything that you were doing, you could ask, "Is this helping me become more like this?" And if not, maybe asking why you're doing that.
I cam up with five pretty much right off the bat. I added a sixth, because I might not always feel comfortable sharing the fifth. Then I added a seventh, because I realised that though God was kinda in all of them, he wasn't specifically represented. And I thought was pretty darn important.
This is the list that I came up with.
- Present Son
- Caring Friend
- Dreaming Creator
- Discerning Thinker
- Devoted Lover
- Lasting Influencer
- Courageous Follower
I want to go into those a bit, unpack them. So sit down with me for a moment! This might take some time.
The first one there isn't just about being a son. It's about family. Whether that be being a son, a brother - and hopefully, one day, a husband and a father - all of that. But there wasn't really a word for that, so I just put in son, for now. And for me, present was the most important descriptor to have there. Because I think so many problems stem from people just not being there. Not all problems - but a lot of them. And so one of the things I really wanted to be was more present for my family, and in my family. That's still something that I want to do.
After family comes friends, of course! But what sort of friend do you want to be? A helpful friend? A kind friend? A generous friend? Certainly - but I think I found many of those, and more, summed up in the word caring. I want to be caring towards my friends. I want to be there for them, helping them when they're down, listening to them when they need an ear - I want them to know that they matter to me. That they matter a lot. So caring friend is the second one.
Then we get more into what I do - so creating! Obviously. And for me, the word that worked was dreaming. I don't want to be a creator that only works within the possible, or the realistic. Within what will probably work, or what's doable. I want to dream big, shoot for the stars. And probably miss most of the time - but hey, it's better than just shooting at the wall and getting bored because it's so easy to hit it every time.
I'm also an avid thinker. And quite a deep thinker. But that wasn't quite the right word for me, because it didn't really have a purpose. It's what it looks like, yes, but it doesn't answer the why. After a bit, I realised that it was discerning. Figuring out what is true, what is right, what is best. That's what I try to achieve through my thinking. Sifting through things to find the gold.
I couldn't go through this without putting this in - after all, I'm a Four! So, yes, lover, despite not having many opportunities to demonstrate that. When thinking on what sort of lover I would want to be (a question I rather enjoyed considering), I couldn't go past the word devoted. I want to be the sort of person that keeps coming back to someone, again and again, no matter what's happening. That keeps aiming to do best by them, and working to make their life amazing. But I'll stop waxing lyrical and move on.
When I tried to think of another one - I thought that I want to influence people. But not in the sense that I want to be a big name, or something like that. I don't want to be an Elon Musk, or a Steve Jobs. But I want to make an impact on the lives of people around me. And the kind of impact that I want to have? I want it to be lasting. I don't want it to be something that's just here and gone. I want to be impacting people in ways that makes a real difference, that lasts, that sticks, that passes on to other people. That old idea of each person you influence then influencing other people, etc etc.
And lastly, I want to be a follower of God. But not just any old follower. I want to be a courageous follower. This one is very much inspired by the movie by the same name. If you haven't seen it, do yourself a favour. It's one of the better Christian movies out there, that isn't actually cheesy. But I want to be someone who follows God even when it's hard, even when it doesn't make sense, even when the world is against me. Even if it becomes illegal. Hopefully that doesn't happen - but I want to be someone who does stand in God's truth. (NB: For those that feel a little bit of bile right now, I'm not talking about hitting people in the face with God's truth, or cutting them down with it. That sword is meant to be used against the forces of darkness, not people.)
This is who I want to be. This is what I aim for. This is how I try and frame what I do, how I live my life. I hope you find this interesting - and perhaps helpful in thinking about the way that you live your own life as well.
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