Changing Views and a Crucial Question

It's interesting how your views and ideas change over time. Good, because it would be kind of idiotic otherwise. Or incredible that you managed to figure out the right ones first up. But interesting.

One example that has struck me recently is the issue of Christians being in a relationship with non-Christians. When I was in high school/earlier on at uni, it wasn't really something I thought about much. When I did, I thought that it was probably better Christians being with Christians, but it wasn't a major deal or anything.

Then, of course, it had to become a major deal for me, didn't it? When it went from being a question about other people to a question about myself, it rather changed things. I had to think about it and mull over it a fair bit, but in the end, decided that if I'm going to be looking towards spending the rest of my life with someone (which, for me, is always what a relationship is about), then I need to be able to be sharing God with them, growing in my relationship together with them. Not trying to hide God from them, attempting to not talk about him or his impact in my life. Because it's not like it's just one room in your house that you can close a door on now and then - he is the very foundation and fabric of the house, he is in all of it. He is in all of my life. That's not something I can hide from people, particularly if I'm spending that much time with them. So I made the call that, for me, I need to be with someone who loves God.

But these days, I'd go a step further. I would say that, if you're in a relationship with someone (or thinking about/planning to be in a relationship with someone), and you're a Christian, you need to ask yourself a super-duper crucial question.

Is this person drawing me closer to, or further away, from God?

And I know, I know, God's everywhere, so we're not really getting closer or further away, etc. But you get what I'm saying. Do they help you grow in your walk with God? Or do they slow it down, interrupt it? Get between you and God, even in subtle ways?

Because the thing is, there isn't any neutral ground. There aren't neutral people. Every person is either going to be strengthening your relationship with God, or weakening it. Quite possibly both, at different times. Certainly happens. But in general, you can usually get a sense of which is the norm overall. And in most friendships, it's okay to have bits of both, as long as you've got some good strengtheners that you can always hold on to. God calls us to go out an be amongst people. If we're just sheep amongst sheep, we're doing something wrong.

But when you're talking about someone that you're wanting to spend the rest of your life with - that needs to be someone that is going to strengthen your relationship with God. No buts about it. If you're going to be married to someone - that needs to be someone that you can grow together in your relationship with God with, that will strengthen you and challenge you, and that you can do the same for. If that's not the case - then there's an issue there.

So I challenge you to ask this question, if you're in a relationship, or thinking about it. Ask God to help you be discerning, not just making a snap judgement. If they are strengthening your relationship with God - great! But if not - then if you're not in a relationship with them, look somewhere else. If you are; then try to discern if they can change. If God can change them into someone who will strengthen you, rather than weaken you. If that's not the case - then maybe you need to be somewhere else. It's a hard call to make, but maybe it's one you'll need to.

At the same time, take all of this with a pinch of salt. I don't know your situation, what's happening with you, and it's not really something I've been in the middle of myself in quite the same way as others have. But I think it's something important to think about, regardless. So do ask the question.