Writings From Beyond #2: The Echo

This is the second in a series of writings I did at Beyond Festival in Cameron Semmens' workshops. In this one, we did a burst of writing, and were encouraged to explore the different senses, as well as talking about an issue in the world of today. I think the idea that I got was reasonable, but I struggled with finding a reasonable turn (point where it changes and surprises you, like the 'colour wars' in the previous poem). I did manage to get one in there, and I think it's okay - but this is more narrative, not poetry as such. Hope you enjoy :)

The Echo

The turn of the jailer's jangling keys reminds me of that echoing gunshot that reverberated through my whole life. He smelt bad - it had obviously been raining outside, but those brown stains from his shoes clearly weren't just mud. His squelchy, heavy footprints came closer, until I could almost feel the humidity coming off his soaked dark clothes. He says it's time. I turn to my little brother, and tell him that I'll see him again soon. Will it be soon? I don't even know. I hug him for the last time. I make it a good one - people call them bear hugs, but I must have been more boa constrictor. Too quickly, the jailer steps in. And takes my brother away.

I can still hear the echo. 

Writings from Beyond #1: Which Colour?

I was at Beyond Festival over the weekend, and was fortunate enough to have some time in a couple of workshops with Cameron Semmens. If you haven't heard of him, look him up! He's a great performance poet, and in each workshop he took us through a few different things to get some writing happening. The first one was around several key things to remember when writing, which he talked about a bit, but I'll just list here:

• Be invitational, not confrontational
• Ask good questions, rather than giving answers
• RE-humanising, not DE-humanising
• Raw + personal + honest, not preachy + idealised
• Light touch, not sledgehammer
• Metaphors, not commands

And then we did some writing, keeping in mind those ideas, but particularly looking at the idea of just using questions. You can read that one below. There's a few other bits of writing that I did in the workshops, and I'll be posting them all up in quick succession! This one I rather like, and I hope you enjoy it too :)

Which Colour

Why do people not like grey skies, when it makes everything more green? Or do people just not like green?

Why do people like one colour more than another? Is my colour better than yours? Are we going to have colour wars?

Would you fight with balloons of coloured powder, or super soakers that spray colour everywhere?

Do all colours fade - or do some get brighter? Which colour are you?

Scraping By.

I currently have $20 to my name. Check that, $15, because I decided to spoil myself with a hot chocolate. Or at least, when rent goes through at some point today. Thankfully, I'm getting paid tomorrow. Unfortunately, most of that money is already going to vanish to pay for something else I'm working on.

For the last few weeks, I've been living pretty close to being bankrupt a number of times. If you've been keeping up to date on Facebook, you'll be aware that I currently have no car. As much as I enjoy not having to deal with having a car any more (I seriously hate cars), it makes it rather difficult to get work - and I have enough difficulty normally. Not being strong, not being fast, and not being able to sell stuff takes out trades, hospitality, and retail straight away. That's probably 80% of casual jobs or something. Yeah. But I've probably ranted about that before at some point. 

Regardless, money isn't being fun for me right now. Thankfully, I don't tend to spend that much, so I can get by okay. I don't really go out much, I don't drink, and since I moved out I've gone vegetarian. So that all helps. 

There's been a lot that God's been doing this year. He's given me lots of challenges, but lots of opportunities as well. I had the album launch recently; I've gotten bits of work here and there that I've been enjoying; the internship has given me lots of space to help my church do what it does even better. And I've got no clue what he's got planned for next year, but I think it's going to be big.

But right now, I'm not seeing how I'm going to even get there. Financially, short of something big coming through, I'm going to be in debt before long. Emotionally, I'm swinging between being relaxed and being a wreck. Spiritually - I'm having major difficulties in trusting that God is going to get me through this. I believe that he will, somehow. But I don't know what state I'll be in when he does.

I've shared a couple of videos recently, talking about how the opposite of addiction is connection. Well right now, there's a lot of times I'm struggling to find or see that connection. All too often, it seems to exist more in theory than in practice. And that's hard. 

I don't really have a nice one-liner to end this on, folks. I guess we'll see what happens. 

Thoughts on Money and Work.

Warning: rant approaching.

The world does not take kindly to creative people, in general. It doesn't have time for dreamers, for idealists, for those who want to follow their passion. You wouldn't think that, of course. Because the movies, the media, always says that that's what we should do. Follow your dreams, follow your passions! Pursue those crazy ideas!

Oh, but....you need money. You need money. You cannot survive without money. We have made it so that you cannot do anything without money.

People can have a perfect idea of what they want to do with their life. They can have a dream about what they want to do; know exactly how it is they could do it; have a plan for how they want to spend their time; but they're not able to, because of how money works in this world. The number of people that you have that dreamed of doing one thing, but then ended up doing something else - is just way too many.

And really, this isn't just a problem for creatives. It's probably especially a problem there, but it applies across to so many other fields. And it begs the question: would a society without money work? Are there jobs that people just would never do if they weren't paid for it; are there people that are so greedy that they would never let it become possible? Or does it just seem too much like socialism, or communism, or head-in-the-clouds thinking, and people will just be against it from the start?

For my part, I think that it should work. And that it could work. But whether it would....perhaps we have gone too long like this. Time will tell.

</rant>

Pushing On.

I haven't been posting much - at all - over these last few months. And it hasn't been for lack of time - I've been having a fair few days free here and there - and neither has it been for lack of things to talk about; there's been rather a lot. Unfortunately, I've been really struggling with self-motivation this year in general - guess that's what happens when you move out! Does make it harder. The fact that I've got a decent helping of Nine in me probably doesn't help. (Enneagram reference. Yay!)

But yes, there's been rather a lot happening. Work has been all over the place; I finished up at Koorong, started doing a few other casual jobs - but then my car decided to pack it in. Or, rather, I had a crash. Thankfully, everyone was okay, though my car looks like it had a run-in with the Incredible Hulk. Getting to different jobs without a car has been markedly more difficult; even getting to church or the shops can be an issue. It just takes a lot more time out of my day. I don't mind walking - I actually rather like it - it just takes a lot of time. I've started to look around for other work that's either more easy to get to by public transport, or that I can just do online, but not too much luck yet.

To compound that, money is a bit of an issue at present - I thought I'd be okay with the jobs I've gotten, but the problem is that I haven't had a shift yet at one, and another is project-based; so it pays me half at the beginning, and half at the end. Wouldn't be a big deal, but our schedules seem to not line up well, which means that the end of the project seems to keep getting further away. Since I'm under 25, I have to pay the age excess on top of the normal excess to insurance, so it's a fair bit of money that's coming out of my pocket each week - and not nearly as much going in. So I'm trying to find a job quickly to even out the balance, without going back to jobs that I'm neither good at or passionate about, which is why I finished up at Koorong.

Just to make things a bit more interesting, God's given me a bit of a challenge. I talked about it a bit in this video. Essentially, at the end of this year, I'm taking a week away somewhere - I really don't know where - to re-focus and start with a bit of a clean slate. And then just asking God where he wants me, what he wants me to be doing and focussing on - because I've really stretched myself thin, and it shows in a lot of ways. So starting from scratch, finishing up with everything I'm doing, and going in to a new season. I have no idea what that will look like. But we'll see when we get there.

We do have to get there first, though. The end of the year is still four months away, including this one. And for me, I know that each day has been hard and challenging in different ways. Sometimes, because of loneliness; others because of worry, or fear; sometimes temptation; and sometimes, like I said before, dealing with my lack of self-motivation. It makes everything harder, really.

But I keep pushing on, because I know that God is with me, and helping me to get through. I don't really know how he's going to make everything work. And it's quite possible that not all of it will. I don't know. But I trust that he's going to get me through, one way or another. However long it takes.

What is life?

This time, you won't find the blog post here. Rather, I'm going to do a bit of a redirect, to a new site that I'm working on, called Crux.

The post is centred around a simple, but important, question: what is life? You can find a link to it right here.

Politics: what *should* it look like?

These days, it seems that pretty much everyone is tired of politics. Tired of the Devil's Fork to choose between, tired of things not happening - or the wrong things happening - tired of people spending too much time on things that should be simple, and tired of the ever-increasing length of ballot paper.

Here in Australia, we run under what's commonly referred to as a democratic system. Technically, however, it's actually a democratically-elected oligarchy (oligarchy meaning "rule by the few"; notably different to aristocracy, which is "rule by the rich"). This means that everyone gets together and votes for a select group of people to act on their behalf; rather than everybody voting and discussing and having authoritative power on every decision, because that's rather hard to do in a country of any reasonable size. And the prevailing modern Westernised opinion has been that all democracy is good; anything else (for example, monarchy, autocracy, socialism, communism, etc.) is regarded as generally bad. At this point, however, I'd like to put a good ol' spanner in the works. 

Recently, we've seen rather stunning evidence that national votes on important issues can lead to rather disastrous results (see: #brexit). Similar patterns - though not quite as large-scale - have been seen or predicted elsewhere, as well. It's the general idea - which isn't particularly new or strange - that while individual people can be quite smart and sensible, large groups can often display the opposite (unless the group is skewed, of course; talking here about a random selection across the population).

But then, what happens to this idea of representative democracy (which America seems to call republic, even though that's actually not quite the same)? Well, it rather falls a little short of where Western society seems to hold it up. But by the same token, we intrinsically distrust leadership by one person alone, whatever they're called - we too easily see the faults and failings in the individual. And yet, time and again, it has been the individual that has brought great change; sometimes for the better, and of course, sometimes for the worse. So the problem becomes: how do you choose the right person? Or, what does the right person even look like? Which qualities are most important? Courage? Vision? Innovation? Wisdom? Moral character? Experience? Trustworthiness? Or perhaps the old system is better: rather than trying to find these things in someone, choosing someone earlier in their years and training them in these things. 

Perhaps there is no 'best' way, though; like as not, each has as many flaws and failings as the next.

What do you think? What would you like politics, or government, to look like?

The Second Act: Yeah, I See You.

Warning: HERE BE SPOILERS.

Yesterday I went to see Now You See Me 2, alternatively titled The Second Act. I was quite a fan of the first one, so I went in with high hopes. I must admit, I was a little disappointed. But there were some good points - so I'll focus on these first.

I loved the continuation of the Lionel Shrike story, and bringing back in a focus on relationship, and giving a nice twist to Thaddeus Pike. I probably should have seen that one coming, given how it was twisted similarly to the reveal at the end of the first one. There was also a bit of fun in seeing more tricks again from The Horsemen, as well as ones from other players. It was also nice to see the scope expanded a little - but I got the feeling that it wasn't necessarily done intentionally. Here we get into the negative.

The film starts in the US, like the first, but then spends a lot of time in Macau (part of China), before finishing off in London. In some senses, this seems a little strange. They try to explain it away with lines like, "One of the oldest magic stores is in Macau," and "the Eye has a lot of history here," but it still feels like they're just there perhaps because it was cheaper to shoot, though that's not something I've researched. I also found Daniel Radcliffe's character a bit strange; or perhaps I'm still just not used to him doing other roles than Harry Potter. But I saw him as very over the top, and cheesy. The new Horseman that was brought in did an okay job - and they did do a good job of looking at how she worked, or didn't work, into the group - but it did feel a bit strange with her there so suddenly. (Though, admittedly, what else are they going to do?) The Eye also felt like rather a let down, though there is a suggestion that something could come up for a third movie - but that's if they can get enough support to make one. The twin idea was also a little strange, but they pulled it off okay.

The most annoying thing for me, though, was that I was able to see how they did a lot of the tricks straight up. As soon as I saw the rain, I thought that it was probably a rain machine. As soon as I saw the twin bumping into a 'hobo', I knew that that would actually be someone. As soon as they got to the 'hangar' and they were having lights shone in their eyes and the like when they were getting on the plane, I knew that it was just a more elaborate version of what had already been done to the Horsemen with the two different tunnels, and that they weren't really getting thrown off the plane. Maybe it was just me, maybe some other people noticed these as well.

So while I enjoyed some things about the movie, and had fun with it overall - I was a little disappointed by it. What did you think? I'd love to hear!

Open Letter to the Australian Leadership OR Bowls and Boats

This is a fruit bowl.

I call it a fruit bowl because I put fruit in it.

For example, at the moment there are apples and pears in there.

I happen to be also rather fond of avocados, but their fruit status is rather more complex.

By botanical definition, they are a fruit. 

But my tastebuds protest that they are vegetable.

So should they be allowed to reside in the fruit bowl or not?

I tend to put them in there.

After all, it’s only called a fruit bowl because I usually put fruit in it.

But it’s really just a bowl.

And I could put anything in if I wanted to, if it wasn’t too big.

There are only ever two arguments made against taking in refugees and asylum seekers that ever seem to stand with people.

The first is against the people themselves; fears surrounding their reasons for coming here, whether they are actually terrorists, and if they’re actually genuine.

The second is that the country can’t sustain the influx of that number of people; there isn’t the infrastructure, or the economy, or the space, or something similar.

In regards to the first; we can be wary of putting avocados in with apples and pears.

But really, we just need to see that it is just a bowl, and it is we who have defined it as solely a fruit bowl.

Refugees and asylum seekers are first, human.

As are we.

Could there be terrorists among them?

Yes.

There could also be terrorists among us.

But if we let that fear control what we do, then they have actually succeeded in their purpose.

That doesn’t mean that we do nothing; but we have other means of finding terrorists and other threats than just stopping people coming in.

This is a brute force method, rather than a targeted strategy.

And it’s not helpful.

Particularly not for these mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, sons, and daughters that come to us.

Hurting, and in pain, and asking for help.

If we respond by turning away, then this just shows the world who we truly are.

We are working against humanity.

In regards to the second; yes, the bowl is only so big.

And yes, if you try and fit an elephant into that bowl, it will not work.

The bowl will probably break.

But we are one of the biggest bowls there is.

We have “boundless plains to share,” and yet we seem to be worried about running out of space.

This seems rather strange.

Yes, it will be hard.

But people are willing to make it work.

People are clamouring to be able to help.

Volunteering their time, their homes, their money, their energy and resources.

It might involve more of an investment than you would like.

But this is an investment into humanity.

And into our country.

And into the future.

I think that’s worth it.

And so do rather a lot of others.

Why don’t you?

*NB: I’m sorry if anyone is offended by the analogy used, or at being compared to an apple, pear, or avocado. I happen to be rather fond of each of them. And no, I don’t think we are as different as apples and avocados. But from some of the talk, you’d think that other people do.

Tied.

Hello again! Hopefully, I'll be able to start posting on here every now and then a bit more regularly - trimester has just finished, so I've got a little bit of time where study is behind me. Which is nice :)

I wanted to post up on here about a bit of a challenge that God has put to me. Well, God through a good friend.

Long-time readers, and those who know me well, know that in many things I can be ruled quite strongly by my heart. In part, perhaps this is a reaction to a time when I tended to be much more dominated by my head - but whyever it is, that's what I've experienced. Particularly, of course, when you start talking about romance and the like. (Yay for being a Four!)

One result of this is that I'd pretty much follow my heart without question when it came to romance. Which, you know, would seem to make sense on many levels. It certainly made more sense to me than following my head, and having a list that people had to fit to before they'd be okay. But it meant that I often ended up chasing after a relationship in itself, which is a problem. Because that's something that God needs to fill. You can find the most beautiful person in the world (and there are plenty of beautiful people), the most loving and caring person in the world, and they won't fill our heart's desire for relationship. Only God can do that. My head knew that, but my heart was being rather stubborn in catching up and getting with the program. To the point where it was chasing after relationship to avoid the hurt of relationship not working out, at times.

So I was challenged to change the game. To take an intentional period where I'm not chasing after anyone, or after any relationship but the one that I have with God. I reflected on it a bit, and it didn't take much reflection for my heart to get very grumpy about the idea, balk against it a lot, and generally dismiss it as not good. Which was enough reason for me to see that it was something that I really, really needed to do. So I made the call. I started about four weeks back, and I'm going until at least the end of the year. The 'at least' is so that I can reflect on it then, and if my heart's still out of whack, I keep going until it plays ball. And also so it's more tricky for my heart to just wait for that end time and focus on then, because there's not necessarily a specific end time.

You may or may not have seen me wearing this over the past little while. It's a little reminder to me of my commitment, this season that I'm in. Originally the thought was to do a purple and green band as an alliterative reminder - purple for patience and green for God - but it was too finicky and didn't really work. So I've used this instead, and I remember something a little bit different.

I remember that if I want, one day, to be tied to someone else, that I first need to be tied to God. The image that comes to mind is that of an old sailing ship in a big storm. The waves are getting bigger and bigger, and it gets to the point that the captain knows he can't do anything. "Tie yourselves down!" he shouts. Now, if at this point you tie yourself to someone else, this is going to accomplish next to nothing. It just means you'll be thrown overboard together. You first need to tie yourself to something more sturdy - like the mast. If you do this, then you will weather the storm together. Otherwise, you will be lucky to survive.

I think the same is true in relationships, and in marriage. If we - if I - look first to trying to make a relationship work with someone else, then sure, a relationship might happen. But it ultimately won't last if I haven't first put the time into making sure that my relationship with God is healthy; that I'm drawing my love, identity, belonging from him, not from whoever I'm pursuing. I need to be tied to God first; and then, when I am tied to someone else, I know that that tie will be so much more enduring and sturdy, and will stand true through what comes in life.

Already, my heart is putting up one heck of a fight, and throwing everything it can at me to give it up. Depression is an old favourite, as are shame and guilt. So if I'm not looking fantastic, this might be why! But I know how important this is, and how crucial it is to get this right. My heart can have a temper tantrum all it likes, I'm in for the long haul.

I'm posting this for a few reasons. Firstly, accountability. The more secret something is, the easier it is to change it or get rid of it. But if I make it more public, then it becomes a lot more concrete. Secondly, support - because I'm darn well going to need it. I've already had some of my worst days in a long time over this period, particularly in terms of depression, but thankfully they've been and gone pretty quick. Thirdly, as a bit of encouragement to others. I don't pretend to have it all worked out, but I hope that in my process of working things out, people can find a thing or two that help them in their life as well. :)