World Autism Awareness Day talk

Hey folks! Again, been a while. Not long ago I did a talk at an event my family does each year, a high tea to raise funds for down syndrome, and also to raise awareness. But this year, they also did it to raise awareness for autism, and that's what I spoke on. I had a lot of people telling me that the talk was really good, so I thought I'd put it up here with the various links and videos that I used. Hope you find it helpful!

Hello everyone. My name is Brendan - chances are you already know me - and I’m part of the Raymond family. As you’re probably aware, this year we’ve decided to expand today to include not just Down Syndrome, but also Autism. This was a very intentional decision, made because - well, it runs in the family. But also, more and more in today’s world, we’re seeing it pop up and become increasingly common. So it’s good to actually understand it a little.

Initially, though, a couple of disclaimers. Firstly, my experience and knowledge mainly centres around high-functioning autism, or what was known as Asperger’s Syndrome. My knowledge and experience of low-functioning or classic autism is fairly limited - I’m hoping that I’ll be able to cover both in what I say, but chances are there will be more of the former.

Secondly, we found out about autism in about 2012. By that time, I was nearly twenty. When we went to the psychologist, he essentially said that I probably had Asperger’s in the past, and I still thought in much the same way, but I didn’t really have it any more. So that’s me.

For those who are completely in the dark about what autism, Asperger’s, or any of this means, I’ll give you a quick run down.

The big umbrella term they’ve come up with is Autism Spectrum Disorder, or ASD. That covers classic Autism, Asperger’s Syndrome, as well as a couple of others that I really don’t know much about.

“In simple terms, autism occurs when a child has trouble communicating and understanding what people think and feel. This makes it very difficult for autistic children to respond to gestures, facial expressions, touch and even language.”

People with ASD can:

• Be oversensitive or undersensitive to particularly sensory material (sight, sound, smell, touch, taste)
• Have repetitive body movements
• Avoid eye contact
• Display strong attachment to particular objects
• Be resistant to even small changes in routine; things need to be the same
• Be oversensitive or undersensitive to physical touch

There is a lot more than that to it, but that’s some of the main thrust of it. One of the main differences between classic autism and Asperger’s is that autistic people often have developmental delays and difficulties with language; whereas Aspies don’t, and may well excel mentally, but still have difficulties emotionally and socially.

As a note - the last estimate for how common autism was in Australia was about 1 in 100. In America, they think it’s closer to 1 in 70. And if you’re wondering, those numbers are a lot higher than they used to be. And we see that reflected a lot in popular culture - how many TV shows or movies are now centred around this idea of an incredibly smart person who solves the puzzle through their massive brain power, but seems very crazy and just doesn’t get along with people too well? Sherlock Holmes is the classic example, but there are many others. The Mentalist, Bones, The Finder, The Imitation Game, Lie To Me, The Big Bang Theory - even characters like The Doctor, or Spock, can be seen as having traits common to autism or Asperger’s. The nerd is the word, people!

But I want to get rid of some common ideas that people have about autism, or Asperger’s.

Vaccines cause Asperger’s.

This is possibly the most damaging myth that has ever been circulated about autism, or Asperger’s. It started about 18 years ago, with a guy called Andrew Wakefield, who published an article in an English medical journal talking about a link between autism and the Measles, Mumps and Rubella vaccine. But there was an investigation into it, and they figured out that he made up a lot of the data, and was also getting a bit of money on the side for some of the things he was doing. His paper was retracted and his medical license was taken away, but the damage was already done. These days, because of the people that are against vaccinations, we’re starting to see a resurgence in some diseases that had been basically eradicated before.

At the moment, scientists aren’t exactly sure what causes autism. They know it has a lot to do with how the brain grows and matures, and it also has a strong link to genetics. But more than that, they’re still trying to figure it out. But it’s not about vaccines! If you’d like to know more about this, after today, I’ll be putting a link up on the event page and on my profile that links to a comic that talks about this really well.

(Or you can just find the link below.)

https://thenib.com/vaccines-work-here-are-the-facts-5de3d0f9ffd0 

Autism only effects males.

This one is pretty common as well. The thing is, it effects more men and boys than it does women and girls, but there are still plenty of girls on the spectrum. The struggle is, a lot of the time they’re better at hiding it! So they can be very much under-represented by the statistics and the numbers. It can also effect boys and girls very differently, and people are more used to how it effects guys, and so recognise it more. But it does also effect females, and we’re getting better at seeing it.

People with autism are emotionless.

Now, I’ve talked about a lot of fairly recent references to autism or Asperger’s in film and TV. But I want to use here an example that isn’t typically connected to either of these, that’s a little bit older. But I think it’s actually a classic example. And I also think it’s something that you’ll know well. 

(The link is below. If you want you can watch all of it, but I just showed it from the 2:47 mark.)

https://youtu.be/pgGJGEZ23zo?t=2m47s

Andy Dufresne. Convicted by the court of murdering his wife and another man she was in bed with. And his face….was expressionless. You didn’t see any emotion there. “You strike me as a particularly icy and remorseless man, Mister Dufresne. It chills my blood just to look at you.”

Aspies and autistic people are not without emotion. Where they can struggle is with understanding emotion, communicating emotion, showing emotion - but that doesn’t mean that they don’t feel anything. It can mean that they don’t understand what they feel, or they don’t show what they feel, or they don’t say what they feel - but that doesn’t mean that they don’t feel.

(Since doing this talk, I've actually watched through The Shawshank Redemption again, and found another great scene that speaks to this as well - it's right near the end, where Andy has just finished his massive time in solitary, and he and Red are talking, sitting down against a wall. Andy talks about how his wife said that he was a hard man to know, and he feels that he drove her away. Another interesting point.)

All autistics are savants.

Often, in these TV shows and movies, these people have ridiculous mental abilities that almost seem supernatural. Whether it’s incredible memory, or powers of deduction and analysis - and that’s what we hear about in the news as well. People creating these incredible works of art from memory, or sitting down at a piano and being able to play anything, or knowing a hundred languages. But savant autism is actually extremely rare, and the exception rather than the norm. This does not mean that many autistic people are not very talented - but being a savant is a very extreme version of this, that is the exception rather than the rule. Here again, I love looking at Andy Dufresne, because he’s not particularly exceptional in how he’s depicted. And I actually really encourage you to go back and watch The Shawshank Redemption sometime, and see if you can spot the little indicators here and there.

I’d like to end by looking at another video. I think a lot of the time, parents of Asperger kids, or autistic kids - or even adults on the spectrum, can worry about something. And with ASD, the main worry isn’t work. I mean, that is an issue, particularly with classic autism, but I don’t think it’s the main issue. The main issue that people can worry about, I think, is relationships. How they’re going to relate to friends, people at work, even their own family - whether a romantic relationship will ever work out for them. Social interaction, and emotional communication are one of the biggest obstacles for people on the spectrum. And you really don’t have to look very far on the internet to find a lot of examples of people who have been or are in a relationship with someone on the spectrum who are finding it really, really, hard. And it is, I’m not going to cotton-wool it. It is hard, and it is difficult. But it can work.

Living with autism can be hard. So can living with someone with autism - feel free to ask any of the girls in my family, I’m sure they’ll have lots of stories for you! But just like anyone else - these people have something to offer. They have gifts, strengths, weaknesses, challenges. They’re people. Different people - both different from each other and from everyone else - but still people.

And that’s what I want you to remember.

Wishes.

I wish that people wouldn't see someone standing by themself and think they just want to be by themselves. 

I wish that everyone loved hugs, so I wouldn't worry so much about whether someone will be uncomfortable with it or not and just hugged more people, damn it.

I wish that I wouldn't just keep on making the same mistakes. When I know how to get it right. 

I wish that talking wasn't so hard. Talking! Seriously?

I wish that internal dialogue wasn't internal about 99.9% of the time. At a conservative estimate. 

I wish that food stayed good for just a little bit longer, so you could actually buy in bulk and save money rather than either chucking heaps out or getting only bits and pieces. 

I wish that I could see the stars clearly without having to look through glass. 

And faces too. 

Though I do also wish that for just one acting role I don't have to take my glasses off. For once!

I wish that more people asked me questions - because I feel like I have so many answers and thoughts and stories that I feel like I'm going to burst, and I'm afraid they're going to be lost because one day I'll forget them before I tell anyone. 

I wish that cards and dominoes weren't quite so hard to stand. 

I wish that I knew more long huggers.

I wish that my dreams didn't seem so unreachable. 

I wish that I didn't go through pens and earphones so fast. 

I wish that my body wouldn't get so tired. 

I wish that I was more true to myself and my word. 

I wish that I would remember my own advice. 

I wish that I would stop wishing, and start doing. 

Or, in this instance, start sleeping. 

Good night!

Dreaming About Now.

Hey folks! I haven't been posting a lot lately, and I believe I'm still short on an India post or two. Hopefully that happens at some point. This was just an idea that came up that I thought I'd take a moment to write about.

Every now and then, you get people asking you, "Where do you see yourself in five years time?" Or one year, or ten years. Or even more! I always found this question so hard, personally. Firstly, because I find even looking a few days ahead hard enough! Looking months ahead, years ahead - just seems crazy to me. I don't get it.

But it's also because, to me, a few years is rather far away. Why can't it be now? (Admittedly, this is probably a bit of a product of our microwave culture. I'm a bit of a victim of that one. Really struggle with short-term goals versus long-term goals.) Instead of dreaming about where I could be in five years time - I tend to dream about what I could be doing right now. Because I think there's rather a lot that I could be doing right now, that I don't need to be waiting however long for.

For me, right now, there's a couple of specific things that I could see myself doing.
The first is my albums. At one point, I think I mentioned that I'm working on recording an album. That's actually part of a four-album series, looking at (what I consider to be) four core ideas about who God is - life, love, light, and truth. I wrote the first album during 2014, my Impart year. Since then, I've been working on trying to record it, bit by bit. I now have a team together, but finding time with different people is super-difficult. The second album I started writing pretty much as soon as I'd finished the first. The original idea was that I'd write one album a year; and release one album a year. So I wrote the first album in 2014, release it 2015. Write the second one 2015, release it 2016. Write the third one 2016, release it 2017. Write the fourth one 2017, release it 2018. Well, I'm on schedule as far as the writing goes - I've recently realised that I've finished writing the second album (love), and I'm on to the third (light). And I have barely started recording the first (life)!
So what I'd want to be doing there is spending a lot more of my time on getting that happening, because I'm ridiculously behind on that side of things. And then - get the songs out there! Doing an album launch, and then (ideally) doing a mini-tour with each one around a few different churches and such. Because each song on each album also has a story, and a way that it links to the others; and each album has a story as a whole as well. And as part of playing them, I'd be telling that story, and sharing my story of going on this journey of writing these songs. Which is also why I want to get on to that - because my journey is now in the Light phase, but I haven't even shown people the Life phase! It's kinda crazy!

As well as that, there's my book. I believe I've mentioned this before as well. I'm writing a book called Son, Brother, Bride, mainly aimed at Christian guys, around who we are and who God is - and how the two are very intertwined and such. I've recently been writing a lot more on this (and will be getting back to doing that after I've done this post!), and have nearly finished my first draft. There's still a heck of a lot of work to do - there are whole sections that need redoing, and bits that need reworking - but then at least it would be complete as a whole! Then I need to go into editing and inviting people to read it and give me feedback as that's happening (if that's something you'd be interested in, drop me a line!), and finally publishing and getting it out there. At this stage, I don't know what that's going to look like - whether it will just be online, or if it will be in print as well. Chances are, I'll start with the former, and if I'm able to get some sales happening, the latter will come along. But this is a book that I really want to get out to a lot of people, because I believe that it has a message that will effect and help a lot of people. Perhaps I could do a book launch as well as an album launch! That would be cool. Doing a bit of a message based around the ideas from the book.

Now, in saying these two things - there are still other things I'd want to do, being me. I'm the sort of person that always wants to be doing a hundred different things at once! But really, this is what I want to be doing with my time. Why aren't I? Well, because rent and food and petrol and such. I'm trying to put in time as I have it - but it's fairly sparse, really.

So yeah :) That's what I dream about doing right now. Rather than in two or three years time, or five years time, or ten years time. If anyone has ideas about how to make that happen, I'm all ears. (Though not actually, because 1 Corinthians 12:17.)

Part Two: He Is Risen!

Okay, so I couldn't help with the 'risen' gag. This is the bit that everybody knows. Jesus came back, we're all saved, "HAAAAA-LELUJAH!", and we get to eat hot cross buns and chocolate eggs.

ALL THE HOT CROSS BUNS.

*Ahem*. Anyway.

It's easy, I think, to forget that this is actually the important day. Because, as Christians, we regularly have communion, which is reminding us of Friday. The cross is pretty much our symbol - and that reminds us of Friday. Of Jesus' death. But he came back. And that's kinda more important. The illustration I like to use is a bridge.

So, there was this massive chasm, and everyone was on one side of the chasm. And they needed to get to the other side. Because this side was going to collapse, and burn up. And so an architect came along and built an incredible bridge, spanning from one side of the chasm to the other. Some people didn't trust the bridge, and so they didn't get on it. Some did, and they went over to the other side. But others were just so awed by the bridge that they just stayed on it, admiring it and saying how fantastic and amazing and incredible it was.

The bridge is amazing, and fantastic, and incredible, yes. Undoubtedly. But it is there to get people to the other side - if it hasn't done that, then it's for nothing! Similarly, Jesus' death was incredibly sacrificial, and terrible, and fantastic, and loving, and many other wonderful adjectives and superlative. But it is for a purpose. To set us free from sin, and bring us together with our Father in heaven, to bridge the gap that sin has created. If we just focus on his death - then we're kinda missing the point. It's important, heck yes! But more important is why it was done. What it was for.

Also, this guy does a much better job than I could of explaining why it actually makes rather a lot of sense that Jesus rose from the dead, if that's an issue for you: http://adam4d.com/jesus-rose-from-dead/ Another nice one to add to the list is that, after the resurrection, Jesus' brother became an avid follower as well. Imagine trying to convince your brother that you were God in human form. Yeah. Hence why I reckon it was probably real, among other reasons. But anyway.

Happy Easter! The third day has come, and it is time to celebrate. May you eat much sweet and fruity dough, and your preferred variety of hollow chocolate. But may you also remember the new life that we are given, and how we have been saved.

Part One Point Five: The Waiting

People often forget about the period in between the Friday and the Sunday. (As an aside, people sometimes say it was three days - wrong. Sunday was the third day, but there were not three days in between the death and resurrection. The Bible puts his death somewhere on Friday afternoon, and the women saw the empty tomb at around sunrise on Sunday. That's no even two days!) But for the disciples, this would have been the longest day. The longest time. And for many of them - probably all of them - they thought that it was all over. They didn't get all of what Jesus had been saying before about dying and coming back. All they knew is that they had been following this guy for three years - and the powers that be had killed him. Brutally. They had bet everything on Jesus - put all of their lives into him - and he was dead.
There would have been a lot of fear. Fear for their own lives, that they would be next. That before two long, there would be eleven more crosses on that hill, carrying their bloody corpses.

We know very little about what actually would have happened on this Saturday. It was a special Sabbath, the day of Passover; but there is nothing in any of the Gospels about what happened on this day, apart from the Sanhedrin asking Pilate to put a guard on the tomb. It is a period of silence. Of absence. And it seems so strange to us. Of course, looking back, we know that it was only one day - but for the disciples then, they didn't know that. They thought it was all over. That it was gone, and their lives would soon end.

So perhaps Saturday, for us, is a reminder. That there are going to be times of silence, of nothingness. That there are going to be times when everything seems to have fallen down. When nothing can be done, and it's all over.

But remember, folks....Sunday's coming. It's only the second day.

Part One: The Dead King

There once was a man who promised so much. He came as a conquering king; he said that he would give life. That he was the way. He spoke of a new kingdom, and spoke against the powers and authorities that had set themselves up. He appealed to the crowd, and they all loved him, especially the children.
But then - he was captured and taken by the very ones he was supposed to save them from. He was judged by the religious powers to be speaking incredible blasphemy against their God, and so was sent to be punished. He was brought before the people, beaten and bruised. This was supposed to be their king - and he had failed them.
"Crucify!" The first voice, one of the religious leaders called. "Crucify!" Cried another. Soon, the call was taken up by more, and more. "Crucify! Crucify! Crucify!" This was not their king. Their king would not do this to them. He was a betrayer, a traitor, a liar. He had no power. He was weak. Eventually, after much protest, the authorities caved in. He was whipped, again and again, until he could barely stand. He was made to walk to his place of execution - Golgotha, or The Place Of The Skull. They tried to get him to carry the crossbeam, but he could not bear the weight after the torture he had already endured. They forced someone from the crowd to carry it for him, and then resumed the long walk.
They stripped him naked, and laid him down on the cross, binding his arms into position. Then one took a nail, and a great hammer, pressing it against his right hand; and with a mighty series of hits, nailed his hand to the wood. He proceeded to do the same for the other hand. Then, moving down to his feet, he placed one on top of the other; then, withdrawing an incredibly long and wicked-looking nail, and with a great blow, nailed both of his feet to the cross.
Slowly, the cross was brought upright. Two others were on either side, both petty criminals. Many came and spat at him, or laughed and jeered as they watched him die slowly, and painfully. He deserved this, for his lies and betrayal. For what he said he would do, that he did not. The man cried out now and then, but never with anything that made much sense. At some point in the afternoon, though, he said this - "It is finished." And then he died. As all men do.

....but this was no ordinary man. And this story is not yet finished. For this was Jesus, son of Joseph, from Nazareth. And it was only the first day. Friday. And now, we wait....

Worship Without Sacrifice

One of the cool touristy things that we did while we were in India - specifically New Delhi - was go to visit Gandhi's tomb. Around it were written some quotes from books that he had written, or things that he had said - I'm guessing so, anyway, they were in a variety of languages, so I could only understand a couple.

But this one, that you can see above, I really loved. And I think it's quite relevant still today; even though it was written just over 90 years ago. Because I think we still have politics without principles (or maybe they're just bad principles); we still have wealth without work (probably a lot more so); we still have pleasure without conscience; knowledge without character; commerce without morality; science without humanity; and worship without sacrifice. Now, each of these could be a speech in themselves, though there's a few there that I don't really know well enough to talk about. But I would like to look at the last one.

Worship without sacrifice. Do you know what the word worship means? It originally derives from the words worth-ship. It's talking about what is worth the most to you. What is worth more than anything. Here's a good video on what worship can look like in a secular sense. But, generally speaking, you'd think that God would kinda top that list. And wouldn't it follow, then, that if God was worth so much - that you would sacrifice so much for him? I mean, we talk about our sacrifices in lots of other places. The sacrifices we make for our work, for our relationships, for our friends, our children, our communities, our music or art, our cause. But what about our sacrifices for God? What is worship....without sacrifice? I would say - and I think that this is what Gandhi is saying - is that it isn't really worship at all. If you aren't willing to sacrifice - then you're saying it's really not that important. Something else is higher. Something else is bigger. Something else demands your attention, and ultimately, your sacrifice.

I think that's a trend that we see a lot of, these days. People talking about the sacrifices they make everywhere else - but what about our sacrifices to God? Our worship to God? A bit of a dangerous idea, here: if we're comfortable where we are, then we're not worshipping God. Because sacrifice isn't comfortable. Sacrifice comes from the meaning of surrender, to give up, to suffer to be lost - but how often do we do that? I know that for me, not nearly often enough. There are many things that I could sacrifice that I don't. Because I get scared, or because I like my safety and comfortability. But if God is worth everything - if he is so worthy of our worship (and he is!) - then why are we so scared to give up the little that we have? It was never really ours to begin with. But it's always a lot harder to do than to say, isn't it? Something to ponder on.

And Soon

I'm at breaking point

With every little thing, I feel like the balance will tip

And I'm scared of what might happen if it does

I'm like a leaf blown in the wind

Every little buffet blows me this way

And that

Slave to whatever happens around me

Rather than directing it

It directs me

I'm down the creek with no canoe

Barely staying afloat

I don't know how to get out

Don't know how I got in

Don't know how long it will last

Or how long I will

This is where I am weakest

My most vulnerable

Scared

And alone

Yet I have no self-motivation

No drive to get me out

I can only pray

That God will, and soon

Matters Of Late.

Well, folks. It has been quite a long time since I've been posting at all regularly, and rather a lot has been happening, hasn't it? So I thought I'd best catch you up.

Obviously, I was in India for quite a while. I'm hoping to do a post just about that, because that was pretty crazy. And then, because I didn't have enough craziness, the day after I got back from India I moved. Well, I got back on the Friday, I moved half my stuff on Saturday, and moved in proper on Sunday. I thought I was getting a twin room - but when I got here and opened the door, there was only one bed! (Don't tell anyone though!) So that's been pretty handy.

Then I had to get ready for living by myself - so did a fairly big shop for kitchen bits and pieces, and then a food shop. That was fun :) Figuring out what I wanted to get. I ended up getting rather a lot, and more than I could use before the use-by-dates....bit of a trick when it's just you. You want to buy in bulk because it's cheaper....but you can't because you won't use it all before it goes bad. Ah well. Having fun with doing my own cooking, going mainly vegetarian. When I say mainly vegetarian, what I mean is that what I buy is vegetarian, but if I eat out somewhere else or with other people, I don't make it a rule that I have to be vego. Just makes it a bit easier.

Since I've come back, a few things have started back up. First one was the internship, which was new! And quite exciting. I've been having a lot of fun being a part of that, and being a part of the team that's making things happen at church - and it's a great time to be a part of things! Our church has just done it's big vision casting for 2030, which is pretty big. So yeah. Loving that :) Then I started back at BOE, just continuing to do the website for them. That's been good having that as a bit of a solid base to work off - particularly because the work at the warehouse hasn't been happening so much. It's a quiet season for them at the moment, so everyone gets less shifts if they're just casuals (which is me). So instead of three shifts a fortnight (which is what I basically planned for with my budget), I'm getting one a fortnight. Not great, in more ways than one.

Thankfully, I've had something else pop up - a job at a café in Macarthur Square, which is pretty much down the road for me! Very handy. I've just done my first day there; so they're going to re-assess after a couple of weeks of me working there. But at the moment, it's looking like it will be two days a week, which would be lovely. And it's quite different to what I was doing before as a kitchen hand in the restaurant - this is mostly working with food! Whereas before, I was mostly working with dishes, and occasionally getting to do food bits when it was busy. But now it's the other way around - well, ish. It's fun, anyway :) I'm really enjoying it.

Apart from all of that, I've still got choir happening, life group happening, and I'm also working on doing sound for the next play coming up at the Campbelltown Theatre Group, which is The 39 Steps (plug plug!). That's all been really great. And I'm studying at the moment, as part of my internship - eventually heading towards a Masters of Divinity, but I'm just doing one unit a trimester and thought it would be interesting doing it at Post-Grad level.

I think that's probably enough for one post. There's been other bits and pieces happening, but that's the main lot of stuff. I'll try and get an India post up before too long if I can!

My Lover.

My lover doesn’t give me a rose; he gives me a whole field of flowers, full of colour and beauty.

My lover doesn’t give me chocolates; he gives me the sunrise and sunset, displays of majesty that are feasts for my eyes.

My lover doesn’t give me teddy bears; he gives me people that care about me and hug me like he would.

My lover doesn’t give me a heart-shaped card; he gives me his heart, so precious, so real and true.

My lover doesn’t give me empty words and promises; he sings over me night and day, telling all of his love for me.

My lover isn’t just here sometimes; he is always with me and never leaves me.

My lover isn’t afraid to give himself; he died and sacrificed himself for me, so that I could be with him.

Forever.