Song Stories: Free

I'm going to start doing a series of blog posts talking about songs that I've written, and the story of those songs. Every song is a story. Some of those stories have more depth than others, but they all have a story; some have multiple! This series won't be on a specific schedule or anything, just as something I can come back to whenever I feel like it to talk about another song that I want to. To start off, though, I'd like to talk about the stories of a set of songs that I'm planning to put together into an EP at some point called Life To The Full. These are songs that I've written over the last year and a bit, and show parts of my journey over that time. So the stories will as well.

I'm going to start off with the first track from the EP, Free. I've put the lyrics below for people to read and refer back to, though I'll copy lines in if I'm referring to them specifically.

I don't want to seem like I'm fake, but I keep making that same mistake
Trying to run around do everything, all while wearing that plastic grin (like I'm fine)
Too many things to do, I'm being torn up from my roots
But I don't know any other way, oh how will I ever escape (from this life)

I know, you say you're with me
And I heard, you can make me free
I'm not sure if I believe
Cause how could it ever be
Free, free, free

So I keep doing it by myself, no I don't need anyone's help
Yeah, that's what I say in my head, but if I keep doing this then I'm dead (out of time)
Can't beat the morning rush, I'm in over my head as such
No way there is for me to go, but this is how we do it so (keep in line)

This world is tight around me, trying to pull me on its strings (you want me to dance)
I try to find my way but it's not doing anything (but how can I dance)
I need to break out of this cage it's not letting me breathe (I've got no space)
I turn to you, I fall on you, can you please set me free (free from this place)

Now I know that you're with me
And I've found you can make me free
And you know that I believe
Because you helped me see
Free, free, free

This is the earliest song I wrote on the album; I actually wrote it before Australia went into lockdown last year, so around March I think? It's in a very different style to my usual musically, almost like a techno dance beat sort of sound. (Which is difficult to reproduce acoustically!) When I wrote it I came up with an idea for a music video to go with it as well (which is still in my head somewhere), with a bunch of dancers, and shadows, and lighting, and such. I got really hyped by it, and it got stuck in my head for quite some time.

Lyrically, though, it's fairly cliché - and probably not what I'd write now I feel? It's kinda written from the perspective of the typical conversion story; person is struggling with life, but trying to do it by themselves, not getting anywhere, kinda falling apart, they turn to God, things get better. Woo.

Needless to say, I've lived enough of life and met enough people that I know that things are just a touch more complex than this. I'm still a Christian, I still believe in God, and grateful to know them and be in relationship with them - but I wouldn't describe myself as evangelical any more. I don't think that God has set a goal on my life that I need to tell people about God, get them to pray the prayer, make sure they're going to church, get them baptised, become Christian; but, perhaps that should be its own post for another time. (Chances are I'll get some concerned comments when I put this on Facebook, so I will make sure to actually write that post, yes.)

But let's take this song in another direction. Because, although it does fit the typical conversion narrative - it doesn't mention God, or Jesus, or really anything directly Christian by name. And so, quite easily, this can change from talking about leaning on God, to leaning on each other. And not trying to go through life by yourself.

This is probably the biggest lesson that I've learned (or re-learned) from lockdown and the pandemic - trying to do things by yourself is really hard. Particularly if the odds are stacked against you, for whatever reason (mental/emotional/physical health issues, financial difficulties, discrimination). And the thing is, we're not meant to. You can argue that from a spiritual, Christian perspective - but even just from a perspective of history and evolution; we've mainly existed in groups. It's only quite recently in history that more and more people have been living by themselves, or in relative isolation. So it shouldn't be surprising or strange that it's difficult. We're meant to live in community. That means sharing the load, not trying to face challenges by ourselves - but instead, getting help. It's hard, when we're raised in a Western society where we're taught to value individuality; it pushes against the grain. But perhaps it's less hard than trying to do life by ourselves.

So, you know what - I might be changing a few of these lyrics. Yes. I might even do that now......

Through the *magic of editing* this has been immediate for you, whereas for me I wrote the rest of the above a week ago. I did look back at the song right away! But it took me a while to find something else that stuck. The new chorus, bridge, and final chorus are below. The verses stay the same.

I know you say you'll help me
But why can't I just be free
Not sure quite how to breathe
Oh how could it ever be
Free, free, free

This world is tight around me, trying to pull me on its strings (You want me to dance)
I try to find my way but it's not doing anything (But how can I dance)
I need to break out of this cage, it's not letting me breathe (I've got no space)
I turn to you I'm asking you, can you please set me free (Free from this place)

Now I know that you're with me
Together, now we are free
I've found my space to breathe
Because you helped me see
Free, free, free

That feels better. We get stuck in cages and prisons so often - sometimes of the world's devising (which is mostly what the song focusses on), sometimes made by other people around us, sometimes made by us. Often, the prisons made by others become so ingrained over time that we reinforce them ourselves. Being freed from these prisons is much easier when we work together with others, rather than trying to do it ourselves. All too often, we don't even try to leave the prisons - we think it's impossible, that this is just how life always is, and there's no other way. But people can show us other possibilities, other ways of living. And that can be very powerful.

I hope you enjoyed hearing a bit about the story of this song. Tune in next time to hear me screaming more about the world....