Thoughts on Death.

Death comes up a lot in movies. Books. TV shows. What have you. It can affect different people in different ways. I thought I'd take a moment, and share a couple of my thoughts.

I've had only two deaths in my lifetime that have really impacted me at all. My great-grandmother (my mother's father's mother), and our dog, Sandy. The former happened when I was fairly young, in primary school. The latter happened a few years ago. As such, you could say that I haven't really experienced loss that much. I would certainly say that. Both of these deaths effected me, certainly - but one happened when I was quite young (and didn't get it as much as I do now), and the other was our dog. She was a good dog, but still. It's not like I've ever had a friend that died, or a parent, a brother or sister.

But God has given me a great gift of empathy. Some might think a little exaggerated. Because I'll feel for people even if they're in movies, TV shows, books. I'd hope that I'd feel more if they were real, but I haven't been in a situation to know. But have a look at this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZACzoozqsDo from about 8:50. That's the closest I've felt to having a friend die. It's...chilling, to watch it, for me. Others will probably have their own stories that affect them. Each to their own.

Some people think this is a pretty sad/bad/shit world, and so they decide they don't want to hang around any more. Maybe because they think they'll go to a better place, maybe just so it's not here. Do I think it's a great world? No. Heck no. So why haven't I killed myself? God, basically. Honestly - I think that if I didn't have God there, there are some times in my life that I might have killed myself. Don't get too worried, I've always gotten through. God's seen to that. I've never really thought about killing myself.

Because I always think that God's got something better for me. Something more. Something that I was made to do. It's like a metaphor I read in a book once - it's like a war horse pulling a plough in a field. It does the job well, but it was meant for greater things. I think the same can be said (without getting too cocky) of me. I can do other things, like distributing catalogues, or washing and putting away dishes, and I can do them OK. (Not that well, but anyway.) But I was meant for greater things. What that is? I still have no clue. Still way too many castles in the sky. And I'm not really seeing myself getting any closer to any of them at this point.

I thought I might be able to get a bit closer to one of them. Go on Australia's Got Talent. Share a few laughs, but also hopefully get somewhere with it. Maybe be able to start performing and such. Course, that didn't go anywhere. No shortcuts. So yeah. Still no idea what's going to happen at the end of this year. I'm hoping that I don't get there and still not know. Because I know that I could - do so much. Be so much. I just need a good opportunity. Guess that's God's call.

As I say in one of my songs -
"Let your will be done, in your time, not ours;
The world it was begun, in your time, not ours.
We don't know the when or the how,
Just that it needs to be in your time, not ours.
You really have all the time in the world."