A (not-so-quick) word.

I know, no interview today. I haven't had people responding and stuff. So I thought I'd share a few thoughts of my own with you.

People think I'm smart. People are right, but they don't often quite get it. I think I've mentioned before that people either overestimate or underestimate it, usually by a fair margin.

People ask questions like, "Who made God?" "Why is there suffering, and pain?" "Why would God love me?" I was asking those questions when I was a kid. A little kid, barely in school. And I was getting answers to them, as well. Not by figuring them out - I might have been smart, but I wasn't wise. And certainly not from God beaming them down to me. Slightly more - indirectly. The first two I got from a couple of books. (Really good books, by the way - the series is called Timebenders, a combination of Christian, sci-fi and teenage.) The third one I got from a person that was talking at church once.

I was just playing off to the side. I always liked church, but when I was younger, I didn't listen that much, I more just played with a couple of friends, and that's what I was doing then. I might've only been eight or something. And they were saying how, no matter what you'd done, or thought, or said - God loves you. Very much. He made you, and he wants to be with you.

That was me at about eight. Course, then, you think I must be some super-Christian or something. But no, not really. I'd say not at all. A lot of people talk about the time that they asked God into their life. With me, it was the times. The massive multitude of times. Because every time, nothing. Nada. Squat. And so I just kept doing it, trying to do it more passionately, more earnestly, thinking I must be doing something wrong. Because isn't there supposed to be a change? Aren't you supposed to feel him, or see him, or....something, at least? Anything!

That was me, even through the majority of high school, if not all of it. Attempting to feel God, to see God, to hear God. Because I knew he was there. There was just something in me that always knew, there had to be a God. And I knew there would never be anything that would be able to make me believe otherwise. So in that sense, I suppose you could say I've always been a person of great faith. I've never had a slump, a dark spot, or anything like that, where I've really been angry with God. At least, not anything that I couldn't sort out in less than a few minutes.

Then, one day I realised I'd started having conversations with God. And I hadn't really realised it, as such. It was like..."Hang on, now I am, then I wasn't, and then I was trying to get to here.....Wow. Cool!" Well, something like that. I don't know if I could quite say that I was hearing God. But there was definitely a level of interaction there, something that hadn't been there before.

And, of course, close to a year back, God gave me what I'd been praying, striving, searching, hoping for for most of my life. A passion for him, a joy that I'd been missing. I felt God, I guess you could say. I mean, every now and then he'd touched me before, but - nothing like this. Nowhere near this.

And so that's me now. Getting close to a year after that, and in some ways it's changed me, and in other areas I've still got a long way to go. I'm still a bit - a lot - of an idiot sometimes, I still make a heckload of mistakes, and I'm by no means completely happy with where I'm at with a lot of things. But I think I'm getting better, and I've gotten better then where I once was. And I'm happy to be here. Even with all those mistakes.